http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T3LQYKjssRg
How to Win Friends and Influence People
In Dale Carnegie’s famous book, ‘How to win friends and Influence people’, which sold 15 million copies, he says:
Remember that a person's name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language. The information we are imparting or the request we are making, takes on a special importance when we approach the situation with the name of the individual.
A lot is in a name. Names can have little meaning and reveal little about who the person is or a name can be important and reveal something about the person. God had names. Not just one but many and each one of God's names tells us something about his character, something about God that we can depend on, that we can take to the bank and build our life on. And each one of his names is revealed in a classic story found in the Older Testament.
Jesus prayed for us to know God more in John 17:3 when he said,
“Now this is eternal life that they may know you, the only true God, and Jesus Christ, whom you have sent.”
Eternal life, Jesus said, is not just about living forever. Eternal life is about enjoying a deep relationship with the God of the universe right here and now right as well. This is the kind of relationship that will go on forever and grow the more we know him, not just in our heads but in our lives and experiences as well.
So the name we are going to look at today is
Jehova Nissi or The LORD is My Banner.
And we find this name in Exodus 17 after Israel’s battle against the Amelakites.
A few weeks ago, you might remember, that Dom talked about us and our stories all being a part of this big story, this larger story of God and I think if we are to get the most out of this name and this passage we need to look at where this falls in the bigger story of God.
So to start of with Let’s take a look at Exodus 4 where we begin our journey today with Moses at the burning bush.
2 Then the LORD said to him, "What is that in your hand?"
"A staff," he replied.
3 The LORD said, "Throw it on the ground."
Moses threw it on the ground and it became a snake, and he ran from it. 4 Then the LORD said to him, "Reach out your hand and take it by the tail." So Moses reached out and took hold of the snake and it turned back into a staff in his hand. 5 "This," said the LORD, "is so that they may believe that the LORD, the God of their fathers—the God of Abraham, the God of Isaac and the God of Jacob—has appeared to you."
6 Then the LORD said, "Put your hand inside your cloak." So Moses put his hand into his cloak, and when he took it out, it was leprous, [a] like snow.
7 "Now put it back into your cloak," he said. So Moses put his hand back into his cloak, and when he took it out, it was restored, like the rest of his flesh.
8 Then the LORD said, "If they do not believe you or pay attention to the first miraculous sign, they may believe the second.
So here we see the introduction to “the staff” that we will see later on in the story. We can tell it’s just a regular staff because Moses had been carrying it around with him like normal. But God says that he will use both the staff and the hand of Moses to help the people to believe. They will be signs that point to God.
Then the story moves into the Exodus of the Israelites from Egypt and from slavery. God performs miracles to prove to the people who will not believe that He is God. And he finishes with the Passover where the blood of the lamb is put on the doors of the Israelites in to save them from death and pass over them. This is ties in with the bigger story because of Jesus’ blood that saves us from eternal death. But that is a bigger story and we need to move quickly.
So let’s jump ahead to Exodus 14:12 where we see Moses leading the people of Israel out of Egypt and they are being pursued by Pharaoh and his army and would surely die or be brought back to slavery if God does not intervene.
11 They said to Moses, "Was it because there were no graves in Egypt that you brought us to the desert to die? What have you done to us by bringing us out of Egypt? 12 Didn't we say to you in Egypt, 'Leave us alone; let us serve the Egyptians'? It would have been better for us to serve the Egyptians than to die in the desert!"
13 Moses answered the people, "Do not be afraid. Stand firm and you will see the deliverance the LORD will bring you today. The Egyptians you see today you will never see again. 14 The LORD will fight for you; you need only to be still."
15 Then the LORD said to Moses, "Why are you crying out to me? Tell the Israelites to move on. 16 Raise your staff and stretch out your hand over the sea to divide the water so that the Israelites can go through the sea on dry ground.
And that is what happened. So we see the Israelites getting mad at Moses and then Moses revealing his trust in God, he says the LORD will fight for you, it’s a matter of what God can do and not what you can do. And then we see God act mightily. We see the staff raised and the hand stretched out as signs so that the people will believe and then God acts by parting the see and bringing the Israelites out of slavery and into their journey to the Promised Land.
And in Exodus 15 Moses writes a song in remembrance of God’s salvation of them from Egypt. He says that God is his strength and song and salvation.
Then the journey continues onto Marah. They travel south through what is modern day saudi Arabia through the desert. They travel for three days until they start to get upset.
24 So the people grumbled against Moses, saying, "What are we to drink?"
25 Then Moses cried out to the LORD, and the LORD showed him a piece of wood. He threw it into the water, and the water became sweet.
There the LORD made a decree and a law for them, and there he tested them. 26 He said, "If you listen carefully to the voice of the LORD your God and do what is right in his eyes, if you pay attention to his commands and keep all his decrees, I will not bring on you any of the diseases I brought on the Egyptians, for I am the LORD, who heals you."
27 Then they came to Elim, where there were twelve springs and seventy palm trees, and they camped there near the water.
We see the people grumble against Moses because of their present circumstances. Then Moses cries out to the LORD. God tells responds and calls Moses to do something. In this case throw a tree in the water(probably as a sign). It didn’t make sense except that God said to do it. So Moses acted on faith and did what God asked him to do and God displays his mighty power in this world by turning the bitter waters sweet. And we see the LORD get a new name, “The LORD Who Heals You.” God does this miracle in response to their cries but we find out that they were only a short journey away from a place called Elim that had 12 springs of water and 70 palm trees. It sounds like a paradise. So God had good things planned for them if they could have only waited.
On to Exodus 16, just one chapter away.
2 In the desert the whole community grumbled against Moses and Aaron. 3 The Israelites said to them, "If only we had died by the LORD's hand in Egypt! There we sat around pots of meat and ate all the food we wanted, but you have brought us out into this desert to starve this entire assembly to death." …
8 Moses also said, "You will know that it was the LORD when he gives you meat to eat in the evening and all the bread you want in the morning, because he has heard your grumbling against him. Who are we? You are not grumbling against us, but against the LORD." …
11 The LORD said to Moses, 12 "I have heard the grumbling of the Israelites. Tell them, 'At twilight you will eat meat, and in the morning you will be filled with bread. Then you will know that I am the LORD your God.' "
So God does another amazing miracle as a sign to the people so that they will trust Him. And to glorify his name so that people will know who he is, this God Almighty who heals and saves. For after all how can they come to him if they don’t know who he is. Why would they cry out to him or pray to him if they didn’t believe he could help them and save them.
So this is where the story picks up in Exodus 17. The Israelites have been traveling through the desert for about a month now. And each day God rains down 2 million people’s worth of bread or manna for them and supplies them with water. He has been guiding them with a pillar of cloud by day and a pillar of fire by night. He has released them from slavery in Egypt and they are just about to receive the Ten Commandments and are on their way to the Promised Land.
One would think that these signs and miracles would be enough for the people to trust him by now, after all it’s only been a month. But as we’ll see, they continue to doubt that God is with them even after all this.
Hopefully you have been seeing a pattern develop by now.
2 So they quarreled with Moses and said, "Give us water to drink."
Moses replied, "Why do you quarrel with me? Why do you put the LORD to the test?"
3 But the people were thirsty for water there, and they grumbled against Moses. They said, "Why did you bring us up out of Egypt to make us and our children and livestock die of thirst?"
So, hopefully you are seeing a pattern develop here. This isn’t the first time that the people grumbled and quarreled. It seems to be their auto pilot for whenever something goes wrong. Their first reaction is to quarrel and grumble.
I think we all have patterns that we fall into. The circumstances change but the pattern remains the same. How often do we get so focused on our present circumstances that we forget where we are in God’s story. All that he has done in the big story and in our story. And we lose sight of all that He has promised us. They were on their way into the promised land and just under Mt Sinai. God had great things planned for them but they did not want to walk through the valley of the shadow of death to get to the green pastures.
I believe that God has big things planned for us too. He does not what us to live lives of colorless dreams and dwarfed goals. He wants us to have life to the full. To live in the Promised Land.
One of my negative patterns is to care too much about being right. And I would rather be right than to trust God. There are times where I know that proving my rightness will not make a difference and that God is asking me to let it go. He’s saying that you should trust me because I love them more than you do and that the way to love them is not by showing them how wrong they are. It’s by trusting me.
We have been learning more and more about the way that these negative patterns effect us and are even passed down generationally if they are not broken. Moses says something in verse seven that show us one piece in breaking patterns.
7And he called the place Massah and Meribah because the Israelites quarreled and because they tested the LORD saying, "Is the LORD among us or not?"
Moses identifies the problem. He brings it to the awareness of the people. He says that you have been testing God and are always quarreling and names the place after these two attributes of the Israelites. Awareness is important. Whenever they recount their journey they will use those names and be reminded of the pattern of quarreling and testing that they had.
If we look ahead in the story all the way to the new testament Paul talks about patterns in Romans 12
2Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.
Don’t give into these destructive patterns. Patterns of sin, of waste, of hum drum lives. But how can we do that?
4 Then Moses cried out to the LORD, "What am I to do with these people? They are almost ready to stone me."
Moses cries out to the LORD. He goes to God. Moses knows what the situation is and is looking at it realistically and brings it before God. He prays. Moses knows that God has the power to transform lives and trusts him.
Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever! Ephesians 3
And in our story today I know that is true. I’ve experienced God’s power at work in my life. Creation, cigarettes, God’s love, lord and savior, change was real. Took a physical addiction I had and took it away from me without ever even knowing it until later. I was under the banner of love
5 The LORD answered Moses, "Walk on ahead of the people. Take with you some of the elders of Israel and take in your hand the staff with which you struck the Nile, and go. 6 I will stand there before you by the rock at Horeb. Strike the rock, and water will come out of it for the people to drink." So Moses did this in the sight of the elders of Israel. 7 And he called the place Massah [a] and Meribah [b] because the Israelites quarreled and because they tested the LORD saying, "Is the LORD among us or not?"
God calls Moses to do something.
Then Moses responds in faith with by obeying God and striking the stone. Sometimes we can’t understand where God is going with something and sometimes he answers our prayers in different ways than we expect but the LORD is with us. He has done amazing thing in his written story that we are going through and he has done amazing things in our times today. I have friends who have spoken foreign languages with out knowing them, been cured of cancer, had changed lives, unnoticeable influence of God is all around us. Just need to look for it.
The the Israelites get sneek attacked by the Amalekites. The would kill those who were at the back, the young and old and weak. Isreal has never been in a battle yet. This is an unprovoked attack.
So Moses comes up with a plan- Joshua you go fight and I’ll go up on the hill and pray.
So what happens, They go out to the battle and every time Moses’ hands are lifted up to heaven in prayer the Israelites win. And every time they drop the Amakekites win.
This illustrates how it is God and not man who wins our battles. It is God who saves. He wanted them to know that it was not just chance that they won the battle. It was because of God’s intervention. Because of Moses prayers.
Joshua, whose name means, “Jehovah is his helper, or Jehovah the savior” Which is interesting because even his name acknowledges that it is God who saves, who gets them out of this mess or this battle and not man alone. What battles are you fighting?
Now, our fight is not against swords or flesh and blood enemies. But our fight is in the spiritual realm.
Lots of the time we think we can have a spiritual life and a family life and a work life, a financial life and a nutritional way, emotional way. But these things are not isolated from each other. All of life intermingles. If we have not money we may not be able to eat well. If we never exercise we may find that our spiritual life is less zealous. Body is a temple. Believe it or not how we spend our money is a spiritual matter as well as a financial one. The way we lead our spiritual life will directly effect how every other area in our lives are lived and vise versa.
So we have many battles of our own and most of them are within us or with in relationships in our lives. Are we trying to make take on these battles by ourselves without God or are we relying on the power of God to win the battle.
The trouble is that so often we listen to the call that God gives us and we stay in the land of comfort or in the land of slavery. Are we leading lives of colorless dreams, of dwarfed goals, of smooth knees, of sight walking, of tamed visions? Or are we living under the wild banner of God, being stretched to live the full lives that God has promised who follow him.
Moses says
So my question to leave you with is what banner are you living under? Do you walk under the banner of self, or commercialism or money or looks. Are we living what I like to call sanitized lives under the banner of safety, do we live under the banner of grumbling? Or do we look to Jesus who is both lord and savior, our Joshua who fights the battle and our Moses who intercedes on our behalf. Or are you living under the banner of the Mighty God, LORD of love, the God of healing the LORD our banner?
Let’s pray.
Thursday, October 8, 2009
Sunday, August 30, 2009
August 30: Talk on Transiton, Grief and Loss
Hello everyone. I am glad that tonight I have the chance to share with you about and transition, grief and loss. In an international community like this we experience all sorts of transitions. Even more than in other types of community. And tonight I will share with you about the biblical grieving model that we talked about in our CA staff conference this past week in Portugal. It is different from the world’s way of doing grief. These four pieces to the grieving process are not just necessary for the loss of a loved one in death. They are relevant every time we experience a transition because every time we have a change of seasons in our lives we must leave behind the past season and our life as we once new it to embrace the current season we are in; loss and all.
Sometimes we are unaware of how these changes affect us. Often the intellectual side knows it is ok to move on. It makes sense. But the emotional side of our brain operates on a different system and often doesn’t understand. We may feel betrayed or abandoned might need to forgive; even if we can see where someone is coming from.
I think it is important to talk about in the open and to share our common experiences.
It has been a challenge for me over the past three years to keep a soft heart in the middle of all the transition taking place around me an in my own world. It takes work to keep a soft heart soft. And look to make deep friendships with people without fear of the loss that will happen.
Some transitions happen to us but others are necessary changes that we make if we are to grow and challenge ourselves to live full lives. But no matter if we choose to make the transition or if it happens to us, along with transition always comes loss; a loss of what once was.
Unless we do this work together we will be unable to reach out to others and have soft hearts to make deep friendships.
The world has a certain way of handling loss and it was studied by Kubler- Ross. And they came up with five stages of the way we handle loss. I will say right away that three of these are not included in the biblical model for handling loss.
1. Denial
2. Anger
3. Depression
4. Bargaining
5. Acceptance
Denial, Anger and Bargaining all come from a false perspective on life.
They are all valid emotions that need to be brought out into the light with God and not stuffed but they are not all useful in dealing with reality of the situation.
These false perspectives come form our ideas of “the way things should be”. But do not stop to look at the reality of the situation to see that loss happens all the time in our broken world. We live in a broken world ever since the fall in the garden. We have no guarantee that things will happen the way we want them to. In fact Jesus tells us the opposite is true. He say,
“In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” –John 16:33
He says that troubles will happen. We are not exempt from them. But he will be with us in the troubles and promises us the peace of knowing that there is a life in a better world after this one to come.
When we come with this perspective we won’t be surprised when things don’t happen the way that we want them to. So the Bible’s response to loss starts with
Acceptance
We believe that God is just and good and that He does not allow worthless things to happen.
When we start with acceptance Psalm 90 tells us it brings us a heart of wisdom.
Psalm 90 vs 12 talks about our awareness of death.
“So teach us to number our days, That we may present to You a heart of wisdom.”
Not all of our awareness of loss is about death but each thing we lose is a type of death. When we have awareness we know to “teach us to number our days in _____ ex this job, or with this friend, or in this home. We know that they are not meant to last as they are forever. The problem comes when we watch movies that tell us we should die at the exact same time as our spouse or when we get thoughts that we will always have this car just as nice as it is now etc..
We start to construct Idols when we believe that life is other than it really is. An idol is some distortion designed to exempt us from facing truths.
When we hold on too tightly to anything other than God (like the things we filled into the blank above) we make an idol of it. Even good things like family or jobs can become an idol when we place undue weight on them and are not willing to give them up when God calls us to.
I think that when God called Abraham to sacrifice Isaac, he was preventing Abraham from making Isaac into an idol. He had anticipated this promised son for so long and with such great longing that when he received him as God promised there was the danger that Abraham would put more value on who God gave him that on God himself and whenever we put someone or something above God we are creating an idol. God wanted the willingness on Abraham’s part for him to sacrifice Isaac for God. When God saw that Abraham was willing to sacrifice even his only son he knew that Abraham worshiped Him alone. God won’t always call us to sacrifice what is most important to us, in fact He usually doesn’t, but when we are unwilling to sacrifice something we have made an idol of it.
When this experience was done Abraham experienced freedom and blessing that would not be possible otherwise (if he had held on to his idol). When we are not dismantling an idol we can start at acceptance and skip the steps of anger and depression and bargaining.
Sorrow
Jesus was a man of sorrows. Let’s look at John 12:35 It’s about as short of a verse as you can get. Two words.
“Jesus wept.”
Jesus was deeply moved over the loss of his friend Lazarus. And Ecc. Shows that wisdom starts in sorrow. It is beneficial to give us a proper perspective on our fallen world. We know that things aren’t the way that God says they should be.
But Matthew 5:4 Jesus say that those who mourn will be comforted. Grief and morning give us access to comfort and freedom. We can find healing in Christ.
Unhealthy families pretend like nothing happened but healthy families process grief together. They bring it out into the light and are not afraid to talk about it.
Let’s take a look at acts 20:36-38 where Paul is leaving the Ephesians church.
“When he had said this, he knelt down with all of them and prayed. They all wept as they embraced him and kissed him. What grieved them most was his statement that they would never see his face again. Then they accompanied him to the ship.”
Paul and his church do not shake hands stoically or stuff down all of their emotions. They don’t vent every thought either but they do weep together and pray together and kiss goodbye. They grieve the fact that they will never see Paul again openly and they are aware that this is for real. They don’t live under the illusion that things will be the same, denying the reality of the situation. They don’t bargain with God or get angry with God or each other. They pray to God. They embrace each other and accept the transition and change with grief.
Thankfulness
Thankfulness is the source of relief for grief.
A man who had gone through a very deep loss explains gratefulness in this way. “If all is of grace and nothing is earned and all we have has been given to us by God” than the only appropriate response is thanks.
“All that we have we have received from God” 1 Cor. 4:7
Can we be thankful for the people and things that God put into our lives to color our lives forever? thankful for what they brought you and what they left with you. Thankful that God has used this to shape my soul (loss included- God doesn't allow worthless things to happen). God redeems them.
Ex chris- very impacted by this. Never gave thanks that these people were in his life.
We need to be able to lead our hearts with truth.
Hope
In 1Thessalonians 4 Paul tells believers that “We are not to grieve as the world grieves, as those who have no hope. “Be joyful in hope” Romans 12:12a
Hope leads to joy. Joy is different from happiness. Joy is not contingent on outside circumstances but on hope. Our hope is not in things seen but in eternal things, which are things unseen.
Jesus says in John 11:24-26
Jesus said to her, “Your brother will rise again.”
Martha answered, “I know he will rise again in the resurrection at the last day.”
Jesus said to her, “I am the resurrection and the life. He who believes in me will live, even though he dies; and whoever lives and believes in me will never die. Do you believe this?”
I like that.
We have hope that Jesus will resurrect thing not only in the next life at the last day but also in this life.
Should not rush these stages. Should not ignore them either.
Nothing we do for God will be wasted. God wastes no investment of yours. So be fully present no matter what circumstance you are in or how long you have because it all counts for something. Each bit of love that we give out matters to God.
My heart behind all this is to ask you to continue to make deep relationships constantly. Don’t be afraid of the pain and loss that may accompany them. Grief is the price of love but surely it is “better to have loved and lost _____________than never to have loved at all.”
We are two weeks away from Rentree and I guess that makes this the last service of this past year and we are about to embark on a new journey and write a new story of ICCP for the coming 50 weeks. By the next time we walk through these doors on Sept 20th a lot will have changed in most of our worlds. School will be in full swing, vacations will be over, new lives will have started. My hope is that we move, fully present and hope filled into this next season as a church. That we will have been able to grieve properly our past season of life. In order for us to welcome in the new people in our lives, the new friends in our lives, the new teachers in our lives- and the new season in our life.
Reflection questions to go with the themed songs
1) Awareness:
Lord teach me to number our days in___________, That I may present to You a heart of wisdom
2) Sorrow:
What change have you experienced that you need to grieve?
3) Thankfulness:
What or who have you lost that you are thankful that God put into your life?
3) Hope:
Q What is your hope for ICCP. Please share it with us by placing it on the back of the blue card.
On the Leaf:
“ Our natural tendency is to live in the past or in the future and avoid the responsibility necessary to live in the moment. I would argue that all three seasons are needed for us to confront reality. There are some who live in the moment without responsibility for the consequences that the past and future demand, while others avoid the moment by worrying and regretting what has happened or might happen.” Hud McW
Leaf:
Q What has God taught you in the present or past season of life? How did you grow?
Q How can God use you in this next season?
Sometimes we are unaware of how these changes affect us. Often the intellectual side knows it is ok to move on. It makes sense. But the emotional side of our brain operates on a different system and often doesn’t understand. We may feel betrayed or abandoned might need to forgive; even if we can see where someone is coming from.
I think it is important to talk about in the open and to share our common experiences.
It has been a challenge for me over the past three years to keep a soft heart in the middle of all the transition taking place around me an in my own world. It takes work to keep a soft heart soft. And look to make deep friendships with people without fear of the loss that will happen.
Some transitions happen to us but others are necessary changes that we make if we are to grow and challenge ourselves to live full lives. But no matter if we choose to make the transition or if it happens to us, along with transition always comes loss; a loss of what once was.
Unless we do this work together we will be unable to reach out to others and have soft hearts to make deep friendships.
The world has a certain way of handling loss and it was studied by Kubler- Ross. And they came up with five stages of the way we handle loss. I will say right away that three of these are not included in the biblical model for handling loss.
1. Denial
2. Anger
3. Depression
4. Bargaining
5. Acceptance
Denial, Anger and Bargaining all come from a false perspective on life.
They are all valid emotions that need to be brought out into the light with God and not stuffed but they are not all useful in dealing with reality of the situation.
These false perspectives come form our ideas of “the way things should be”. But do not stop to look at the reality of the situation to see that loss happens all the time in our broken world. We live in a broken world ever since the fall in the garden. We have no guarantee that things will happen the way we want them to. In fact Jesus tells us the opposite is true. He say,
“In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” –John 16:33
He says that troubles will happen. We are not exempt from them. But he will be with us in the troubles and promises us the peace of knowing that there is a life in a better world after this one to come.
When we come with this perspective we won’t be surprised when things don’t happen the way that we want them to. So the Bible’s response to loss starts with
Acceptance
We believe that God is just and good and that He does not allow worthless things to happen.
When we start with acceptance Psalm 90 tells us it brings us a heart of wisdom.
Psalm 90 vs 12 talks about our awareness of death.
“So teach us to number our days, That we may present to You a heart of wisdom.”
Not all of our awareness of loss is about death but each thing we lose is a type of death. When we have awareness we know to “teach us to number our days in _____ ex this job, or with this friend, or in this home. We know that they are not meant to last as they are forever. The problem comes when we watch movies that tell us we should die at the exact same time as our spouse or when we get thoughts that we will always have this car just as nice as it is now etc..
We start to construct Idols when we believe that life is other than it really is. An idol is some distortion designed to exempt us from facing truths.
When we hold on too tightly to anything other than God (like the things we filled into the blank above) we make an idol of it. Even good things like family or jobs can become an idol when we place undue weight on them and are not willing to give them up when God calls us to.
I think that when God called Abraham to sacrifice Isaac, he was preventing Abraham from making Isaac into an idol. He had anticipated this promised son for so long and with such great longing that when he received him as God promised there was the danger that Abraham would put more value on who God gave him that on God himself and whenever we put someone or something above God we are creating an idol. God wanted the willingness on Abraham’s part for him to sacrifice Isaac for God. When God saw that Abraham was willing to sacrifice even his only son he knew that Abraham worshiped Him alone. God won’t always call us to sacrifice what is most important to us, in fact He usually doesn’t, but when we are unwilling to sacrifice something we have made an idol of it.
When this experience was done Abraham experienced freedom and blessing that would not be possible otherwise (if he had held on to his idol). When we are not dismantling an idol we can start at acceptance and skip the steps of anger and depression and bargaining.
Sorrow
Jesus was a man of sorrows. Let’s look at John 12:35 It’s about as short of a verse as you can get. Two words.
“Jesus wept.”
Jesus was deeply moved over the loss of his friend Lazarus. And Ecc. Shows that wisdom starts in sorrow. It is beneficial to give us a proper perspective on our fallen world. We know that things aren’t the way that God says they should be.
But Matthew 5:4 Jesus say that those who mourn will be comforted. Grief and morning give us access to comfort and freedom. We can find healing in Christ.
Unhealthy families pretend like nothing happened but healthy families process grief together. They bring it out into the light and are not afraid to talk about it.
Let’s take a look at acts 20:36-38 where Paul is leaving the Ephesians church.
“When he had said this, he knelt down with all of them and prayed. They all wept as they embraced him and kissed him. What grieved them most was his statement that they would never see his face again. Then they accompanied him to the ship.”
Paul and his church do not shake hands stoically or stuff down all of their emotions. They don’t vent every thought either but they do weep together and pray together and kiss goodbye. They grieve the fact that they will never see Paul again openly and they are aware that this is for real. They don’t live under the illusion that things will be the same, denying the reality of the situation. They don’t bargain with God or get angry with God or each other. They pray to God. They embrace each other and accept the transition and change with grief.
Thankfulness
Thankfulness is the source of relief for grief.
A man who had gone through a very deep loss explains gratefulness in this way. “If all is of grace and nothing is earned and all we have has been given to us by God” than the only appropriate response is thanks.
“All that we have we have received from God” 1 Cor. 4:7
Can we be thankful for the people and things that God put into our lives to color our lives forever? thankful for what they brought you and what they left with you. Thankful that God has used this to shape my soul (loss included- God doesn't allow worthless things to happen). God redeems them.
Ex chris- very impacted by this. Never gave thanks that these people were in his life.
We need to be able to lead our hearts with truth.
Hope
In 1Thessalonians 4 Paul tells believers that “We are not to grieve as the world grieves, as those who have no hope. “Be joyful in hope” Romans 12:12a
Hope leads to joy. Joy is different from happiness. Joy is not contingent on outside circumstances but on hope. Our hope is not in things seen but in eternal things, which are things unseen.
Jesus says in John 11:24-26
Jesus said to her, “Your brother will rise again.”
Martha answered, “I know he will rise again in the resurrection at the last day.”
Jesus said to her, “I am the resurrection and the life. He who believes in me will live, even though he dies; and whoever lives and believes in me will never die. Do you believe this?”
I like that.
We have hope that Jesus will resurrect thing not only in the next life at the last day but also in this life.
Should not rush these stages. Should not ignore them either.
Nothing we do for God will be wasted. God wastes no investment of yours. So be fully present no matter what circumstance you are in or how long you have because it all counts for something. Each bit of love that we give out matters to God.
My heart behind all this is to ask you to continue to make deep relationships constantly. Don’t be afraid of the pain and loss that may accompany them. Grief is the price of love but surely it is “better to have loved and lost _____________than never to have loved at all.”
We are two weeks away from Rentree and I guess that makes this the last service of this past year and we are about to embark on a new journey and write a new story of ICCP for the coming 50 weeks. By the next time we walk through these doors on Sept 20th a lot will have changed in most of our worlds. School will be in full swing, vacations will be over, new lives will have started. My hope is that we move, fully present and hope filled into this next season as a church. That we will have been able to grieve properly our past season of life. In order for us to welcome in the new people in our lives, the new friends in our lives, the new teachers in our lives- and the new season in our life.
Reflection questions to go with the themed songs
1) Awareness:
Lord teach me to number our days in___________, That I may present to You a heart of wisdom
2) Sorrow:
What change have you experienced that you need to grieve?
3) Thankfulness:
What or who have you lost that you are thankful that God put into your life?
3) Hope:
Q What is your hope for ICCP. Please share it with us by placing it on the back of the blue card.
On the Leaf:
“ Our natural tendency is to live in the past or in the future and avoid the responsibility necessary to live in the moment. I would argue that all three seasons are needed for us to confront reality. There are some who live in the moment without responsibility for the consequences that the past and future demand, while others avoid the moment by worrying and regretting what has happened or might happen.” Hud McW
Leaf:
Q What has God taught you in the present or past season of life? How did you grow?
Q How can God use you in this next season?
Saturday, August 1, 2009
Adam's talk at ICCP- July 19, 2009, Solitude to Community to Ministry from Nouwen
Hello, Thanks for giving me the chance to speak with you tonight.
I have to confess that I’m always a little bit nervous to be up front like this,
But what I’m hoping for, is that this will be a little something like karaoke.
Because I’m always nervous before I go up to do some Karaoke but as soon as the first song is over I’m usually left thinking ‘Is that it?” “What’s next?”
For example… We had an amazing kid’s camp last week that fortunately for me, did include some karaoke.
And I knew that I was going to get called up to stage to do some ipod idol for counselor games. For those of you who don’t know what ipod idol is, it is when you are given a song to sing on the ipod and the catch is that the ipod is turned up loud enough that you can’t hear yourself and the audience is left with bad vocals with no accompaniment.
Even though I’ve made a fool of myself in this exact same way several times before I was nervous before I went up on stage. Then I walked up there and got up on stage and as I looked over the faces in the audience , God reminded me that it wasn’t about me. It’s about him. It’s about Jesus.
So… I won my karaoke contest. (sorry Tasha)
But that’s not what’s important.
What was more important were the lessons we took away from kids camp. The kids’ camp talks were based around four important ideas that are applicable to kids and adults alike. And they are (say it with me)
God loves us
God is with us
God can use us
And God is sending us.
The order is important here. We can not move on to the second two without knowing the first two. God using us and sending us are rooted in knowing we are loved by God and that he is with us.
And these four thoughts that we took out of kids camp reminded me of an article that I read a few years back by Henri Nouwen called “Moving from Solitude to Community to Ministry” And over the years the ideas behind this article have greatly impacted me.
So that is what I would like to share with you tonight.
And this article is rooted in a scripture verse in Luke, so let’s take a look at Luke 6:12-19.
“12One of those days Jesus went out to a mountainside to pray, and spent the night praying to God. 13When morning came, he called his disciples to him and chose twelve of them, whom he also designated apostles: 14Simon (whom he named Peter), his brother Andrew, James, John, Philip, Bartholomew, 15Matthew, Thomas, James son of Alphaeus, Simon who was called the Zealot, 16Judas son of James, and Judas Iscariot, who became a traitor.
17He went down with them and stood on a level place. A large crowd of his disciples was there and a great number of people from all over Judea, from Jerusalem, and from the coast of Tyre and Sidon, 18who had come to hear him and to be healed of their diseases. Those troubled by evil[a] spirits were cured, 19and the people all tried to touch him, because power was coming from him and healing them all.”
This is a beautiful story that moves from night where Jesus spent the night in solitude with the Father
To morning where he gathered his apostles around him and formed community
To afternoon when Jesus went out with his apostles and preached the word and healed the sick.
Notice the order here:
From solitude to community to ministry
So often in life we want to do things by ourselves. To be independent.
If that doesn’t work we go to other people looking for the community to help us.
And if that doesn’t work, maybe then we’ll start praying.
But the order that Jesus teaches us is the reverse.
-It begins by being with God
-Then moves into fellowship
-And finally this ‘community of people with whom the mission is being lived’ go out together to heal and proclaim the good news.
A note here is that when Henri Nouwen talks about healing he is not just talking about physical healing. But about emotional healing, spiritual healing, relational healing, healing of our thoughts, and our way of life.
So why is it so important that you spend time alone with God?
It’s important because it’s the place where you can listen to the voice of the one who calls you ‘beloved’. In prayer we let that voice speak to the center of our being, to our guts, and let that voice resound in our selves.
There are many other voices speaking loudly:
‘Prove that you are beloved’
‘Prove that you are worth something’
‘Prove that you have a contribution to make’
‘Do something relevant’
‘Be sure you make a name for yourself’
‘Get power’
Then people will love you. Then people will say that you’re wonderful, that you’re great.
These voices are strong in this world.
These were the voices that Jesus heard right after he hear ‘You are my beloved’ at his baptism when he was tempted in the desert. And Jesus said to the tempter ‘No I don’t have to prove anything because I know that I am already the beloved.’
Jesus lived as the beloved. And whether people were applauding him or laughing at him; calling "Hosanna!" or yelling to "Crucify him. Jesus knew that he was the beloved.
And in our lives, long before you were rejected by someone or praised by someone else God’s voice has been there saying ‘I have loved you with an everlasting love’. And if you keep that in mind you can deal with an enormous amount of success as well as an enormous amount of failure without loosing your identity.
Jesus spent time alone with the Father. And we need to spend time alone with God. Listening to his voice too.
This is where we encounter the Lord of life.
We spend time with God first of all to be with him alone.
Our primary task is to keep the eyes of our mind and heart firmly fixed on Him. Time spent alone with God is where we develop our relationship with God. All relationships take time where we focus on the other person. God is with us always but he reveals himself to us in a special way when we focus our mind and our heart on him.
In the spiritual life, the word discipline means
"the effort to create some space in which God can act." Discipline means to prevent everything in your life from being filled up. Discipline means that somewhere you're not occupied, and certainly not preoccupied. In the spiritual life, discipline means to create that space in which something can happen that you hadn't planned or counted on.
In our quiet times with God we get rid of our scaffolding; no friends to talk with, no telephone calls to make, no meetings to attend, no music to entertain, nothing to distract, just me- and God. We may find that in this empty quiet space worries of the day, strange images, and weird associations come to mind. We’ll start thinking about the phone call we need to make or the work assignment that you just figured out. And all these thoughts jump about, as Henri Nouwen puts it, “like monkeys in a banana tree.”
It's not easy to sit and trust that in solitude God will speak to you— not as a magical voice but that he will let you know something gradually over the years.
It is right in the middle of our struggle with our worldly self that God comes to us.
He is beside us in all of it. God is with us.
As we come to realize that we are connected with the same Christ who died so that we could be restored to himself and that he loves us so much that he lives in us, then we can take off our masks, and begin to experience freedom as God’s beloved children. We have freedom to be molded into Christ's image, freedom to mature in him, freedom to love and freedom from sin. . And It is only in Christ's grace and unconditional love that we can face our sin, show our wounds, and face our true self.
This type of encounter challenges us to hide nothing from God and to surrender ourselves unconditionally to his mercy.
“In doing this we will unmask many illusions about ourselves and about God and we will be led into the true relationship we are purposed to have with God.”
Time spend alone with God is a time of
Purification and
transformation,
It’s a place of struggle,
and of and encounter with the Lord.
This time is not only a means to an end. It's ends are met within it.
It is the place where Christ transforms us into his image and frees us from false desires. It’s a place of salvation.
We can come in with a heart of stone and that can be turned into a heart of flesh. A rebellious heart can be turned into a contrite heart. A closed heart can open itself up.
A whole new self can grow when we have a loving encounter with Jesus.
Time spent with God will renew our minds as well as descend slowly from the mind to the heart.
“The crisis our time (in scripture and prayer) is that our minds are filled with the ideas of God while our hearts remain far from him.”
The heart is the central unifying piece of our personal life where we are totally one with no divisions. It is the seat of our personality and it is where Christ dwells in us
So what does this mean in our daily lives?
The very first thing we need to do is set apart a time and place to be with God and him alone. The concrete shape of this discipline of solitude will be different for each person but will not remain vague or general. It must be as concrete and specific as daily life is.
Before I moved to France I was much more dependant on my friends to fulfill me, to affirm me, to give me worth and feed me spiritually. I have to confess that I did not spend a lot of time alone with God. So I found myself running around from person to person asking them to fulfill me.
But when we moved to France we left all those friends behind as well as our families and church and jobs and anything else that gave us roots or security. I had to depend on God more because He was all I had to look to. Everyone else was new. But sometime the times that are the most difficult can be the most rewarding. God worked in me to satisfy my soul and find my true identity in him like never before.
I see it like a prism. When the people we know are connecting with God they shine in God’s light, but it is filtered light, like through a prism. Some giving off red light others blue others yellow, so we run around trying to gather all that we need from the people around us. But this is impossible. We will never have enough time or energy to gather all the encouragement and kindness and love and patience that we need to be full.
But when we come to God, the source of all light, we receive pure white light. And within white light there are all the colors of the rainbow. All that we need to be satisfied. There’s every color of the spectrum. And in just a short time each day of that pure God light we can be satisfied.
Solitude is where spiritual ministry begins. That's where Jesus listened to God. That's where we listen to God. Because without time spent with God we will look to others begging for affirmation, praise or success. And then we are not free.
Community
It's in that communion with God, that we discover the call to community. It's remarkable that solitude Will always call us out to other people to live life together.
And by community we are talking about families, friends, churches, prayer groups.
By community we are not talking about an organization; community is a way of living:
Community is not easy. Somebody once said, "Community is the place where the person you least want to live with always lives." In Jesus' community one of twelve apostles betrays him.
Why is it so important that solitude come before community? This is a quote that I’d like you to reflect on:
‘If we do not know we are the beloved sons and daughters of God, we're going to expect someone in the community to make us feel that way. They cannot. We'll expect someone to give us that perfect, unconditional love. But community is not loneliness grabbing onto loneliness: "I'm so lonely, and you're so lonely.’ It's beloved grabbing onto beloved.
Sometimes you are close, and that's wonderful. Sometimes you don't feel much love, and that's hard. But we can be faithful. We can create a space for God to move and for his children.
I once had a conversation with someone who was about to leave France. I asked this person what their initial impressions of some people were, expecting to hear good thing, but what came out was a lot of judgment and negativity. This person had been going through a big life change and this caused increased judgment of others.
Fortunately when we moved to the next question of ‘What will you take back with you?’ This person answered ‘Community’. They had made a commitment to community and despite their initial reactions they stuck with it. And in the end it was the main thing that they will take home with them.
Why this is so important to us here at ICCP is that so many of us are in this same place of being uprooted from our worlds and placed in a totally new culture, school, language, church, group of friends, world. And along with this can come increased insecurities and fears or increased judgment like in the case of this friend that I had mentioned. So the importance of commitment to community is really heightened.
I have found that the same people that may not connect with you at first can become the closest to you. In times of change like this God opens up our minds to not just seek out people who are just like me but to look to people who are different from us to draw into community with. And God will teach us much more about life and ourselves and himself through these type of relationships than he even does with the types of safe relationships we seek out.
Key pieces of a healthy community are forgiveness and celebration.
What is forgiveness? Forgiveness allows the other person not to be God. Forgiveness says, "I know you love me, but you don't have to love me unconditionally, because no human being can do that."
If we want other people to give us something that only God can give, we act wickedly and before we know it we become demanding or manipulative or violent.
To forgive other people for being able to give you only a little love—that's a hard discipline.
To keep asking others for forgiveness because you can give only a little love—that's a hard discipline too.
It hurts to say to your spouse or to your friends, that you cannot give them all that you would like to give. But this is where community starts to be created,
True life in Christ is lived in this way. Through confession, the dark powers are taken out of their fleshy isolation, brought into the light, and made visible.
There is nothing we should not bring into God’s light. There is nothing too ugly or damaging for us to bring before God. When things remain in darkness we will not be healed but in the light there is hope and forgiveness. Through forgiveness, these things are disarmed and put away with and a new freedom is made possible."
This is where celebration comes in because If you can forgive that another person cannot give you what only God can give, then you can celebrate that person's gifts.
We start to see the love that person is giving us as a reflection of God's great unconditional love.
"Love one another because I have loved you first."
When we know that is God’s love filtering through the people around us, we can start to see that their love is the reflection of his. And we can celebrate that and say, "How beautiful!"
Ministry
That leads us onto ministry.
All followers of Jesus are called to ministry.
Ministry is not, first of all, something that you do (although it calls you to do many things). Ministry is life style. If you receive God’s love and remember his first commandment, to love God with our whole heart and mind and strength and will and soul and all of us. And to love others. And if you keep forgiving those that you formed community and keep celebrate their gifts, you can’t do anything but minister. God will work in lives of those around you and the kingdom will grow and expand.
Gratitude and compassion are two key elements of ministry.
Gratitude- Healing happens by leading people into gratitude. The world is full of resentment. We say “This isn’t the way I want things." As time passes, there are more and more things we become negative about, and soon we can become resentful people.
Resentment makes you hold onto your failures or disappointments. Then we complain about the losses in your life. Life is full of losses— losses of dreams ,friends ,family ,hopes. So we want to respond to these incredible pains with resentment. It’s resentment that gives us a hardened heart.
But Jesus calls us to gratitude. He says, "Didn't you know that we have to suffer to enter into the glory? He compares the pain to labor pains. that lead you to the joy.
How much can you be grateful for?
Can you be grateful for everything that has happened in your life?—not just the good things but everything?
It was Jesus’ pains that led us into a restored relationship with God
In ministry we help others to let go of the resentment, to discover that right in the middle of pain there is a blessing. Right in the middle of your tears—that's where the dance starts and joy is first felt.
In this upside-down world, there's an enormous distinction between good times and bad, between sorrow and joy. But in the eyes of God, they're never separated. Where there is pain, there is healing. Where there is mourning, there is dancing. Where there is poverty, there is the kingdom.
Jesus says, "Cry over your pains,and you will discover that I'm right there in your tears, and you will be grateful for my presence in your weakness."
To minister, you have to be where the pain is. Sometimes that pain is hidden in a person who from the outside might look painless or successful. In Aix there are a lot of people like this, who look fine from the outside but are full of pain and loneliness on the inside.
We are sent to wherever there is poverty, loneliness, and suffering. Sometimes this is physical poverty and other times it is spiritual or emotional poverty but we must be with the people.
If we look back to our four ideas from kids camp #2 is that ‘God is with us.’ He is with us in the pain and in the joy and he is calling us to be with the people we minister to. Not separate.
“Somehow we have come to believe that good leadership requires a safe distance from those we are called to lead... But how can we lay down our life for those with whom we are not even allowed to enter into a deep personal relationship? Laying down your life means making your own faith and doubt, hope and despair, joy and sadness, courage and fear available to others as ways of getting in touch with the Lord of life. The mystery of ministry is that we have been chosen to make our own limited and very conditional love the gateway for the unlimited and unconditional love of God.”
God is with us
God is calling us
But don't be afraid. Don't say, "I can't do that." God can use us. Even in the midst of our brokenness and imperfections.
The people the have ministered most to me in my life were not perfect people, but people who loved God the most and were not afraid to be with me in my struggles and in my celebrations.
What counts in your life and mine is not successes but fruits. The fruits of your life you might not see yourself but we can trust that they are there. The fruit of your life are born often in your pain and your vulnerability and in your losses.
Solitude, community, ministry— these disciplines help us live a fruitful life. Remain in Jesus; he remains in you. You will bear many fruits, you will have great joy, and your joy will be complete.
Let’s pray together.
May we walk in the light of your life all the days of our lives and dwell in the house of the lord forever.
Based on Henri Nouwen's 'Moving from Solitude to Community to Ministry'
'Way of the Heart'
'In the Name of Jesus'
I have to confess that I’m always a little bit nervous to be up front like this,
But what I’m hoping for, is that this will be a little something like karaoke.
Because I’m always nervous before I go up to do some Karaoke but as soon as the first song is over I’m usually left thinking ‘Is that it?” “What’s next?”
For example… We had an amazing kid’s camp last week that fortunately for me, did include some karaoke.
And I knew that I was going to get called up to stage to do some ipod idol for counselor games. For those of you who don’t know what ipod idol is, it is when you are given a song to sing on the ipod and the catch is that the ipod is turned up loud enough that you can’t hear yourself and the audience is left with bad vocals with no accompaniment.
Even though I’ve made a fool of myself in this exact same way several times before I was nervous before I went up on stage. Then I walked up there and got up on stage and as I looked over the faces in the audience , God reminded me that it wasn’t about me. It’s about him. It’s about Jesus.
So… I won my karaoke contest. (sorry Tasha)
But that’s not what’s important.
What was more important were the lessons we took away from kids camp. The kids’ camp talks were based around four important ideas that are applicable to kids and adults alike. And they are (say it with me)
God loves us
God is with us
God can use us
And God is sending us.
The order is important here. We can not move on to the second two without knowing the first two. God using us and sending us are rooted in knowing we are loved by God and that he is with us.
And these four thoughts that we took out of kids camp reminded me of an article that I read a few years back by Henri Nouwen called “Moving from Solitude to Community to Ministry” And over the years the ideas behind this article have greatly impacted me.
So that is what I would like to share with you tonight.
And this article is rooted in a scripture verse in Luke, so let’s take a look at Luke 6:12-19.
“12One of those days Jesus went out to a mountainside to pray, and spent the night praying to God. 13When morning came, he called his disciples to him and chose twelve of them, whom he also designated apostles: 14Simon (whom he named Peter), his brother Andrew, James, John, Philip, Bartholomew, 15Matthew, Thomas, James son of Alphaeus, Simon who was called the Zealot, 16Judas son of James, and Judas Iscariot, who became a traitor.
17He went down with them and stood on a level place. A large crowd of his disciples was there and a great number of people from all over Judea, from Jerusalem, and from the coast of Tyre and Sidon, 18who had come to hear him and to be healed of their diseases. Those troubled by evil[a] spirits were cured, 19and the people all tried to touch him, because power was coming from him and healing them all.”
This is a beautiful story that moves from night where Jesus spent the night in solitude with the Father
To morning where he gathered his apostles around him and formed community
To afternoon when Jesus went out with his apostles and preached the word and healed the sick.
Notice the order here:
From solitude to community to ministry
So often in life we want to do things by ourselves. To be independent.
If that doesn’t work we go to other people looking for the community to help us.
And if that doesn’t work, maybe then we’ll start praying.
But the order that Jesus teaches us is the reverse.
-It begins by being with God
-Then moves into fellowship
-And finally this ‘community of people with whom the mission is being lived’ go out together to heal and proclaim the good news.
A note here is that when Henri Nouwen talks about healing he is not just talking about physical healing. But about emotional healing, spiritual healing, relational healing, healing of our thoughts, and our way of life.
So why is it so important that you spend time alone with God?
It’s important because it’s the place where you can listen to the voice of the one who calls you ‘beloved’. In prayer we let that voice speak to the center of our being, to our guts, and let that voice resound in our selves.
There are many other voices speaking loudly:
‘Prove that you are beloved’
‘Prove that you are worth something’
‘Prove that you have a contribution to make’
‘Do something relevant’
‘Be sure you make a name for yourself’
‘Get power’
Then people will love you. Then people will say that you’re wonderful, that you’re great.
These voices are strong in this world.
These were the voices that Jesus heard right after he hear ‘You are my beloved’ at his baptism when he was tempted in the desert. And Jesus said to the tempter ‘No I don’t have to prove anything because I know that I am already the beloved.’
Jesus lived as the beloved. And whether people were applauding him or laughing at him; calling "Hosanna!" or yelling to "Crucify him. Jesus knew that he was the beloved.
And in our lives, long before you were rejected by someone or praised by someone else God’s voice has been there saying ‘I have loved you with an everlasting love’. And if you keep that in mind you can deal with an enormous amount of success as well as an enormous amount of failure without loosing your identity.
Jesus spent time alone with the Father. And we need to spend time alone with God. Listening to his voice too.
This is where we encounter the Lord of life.
We spend time with God first of all to be with him alone.
Our primary task is to keep the eyes of our mind and heart firmly fixed on Him. Time spent alone with God is where we develop our relationship with God. All relationships take time where we focus on the other person. God is with us always but he reveals himself to us in a special way when we focus our mind and our heart on him.
In the spiritual life, the word discipline means
"the effort to create some space in which God can act." Discipline means to prevent everything in your life from being filled up. Discipline means that somewhere you're not occupied, and certainly not preoccupied. In the spiritual life, discipline means to create that space in which something can happen that you hadn't planned or counted on.
In our quiet times with God we get rid of our scaffolding; no friends to talk with, no telephone calls to make, no meetings to attend, no music to entertain, nothing to distract, just me- and God. We may find that in this empty quiet space worries of the day, strange images, and weird associations come to mind. We’ll start thinking about the phone call we need to make or the work assignment that you just figured out. And all these thoughts jump about, as Henri Nouwen puts it, “like monkeys in a banana tree.”
It's not easy to sit and trust that in solitude God will speak to you— not as a magical voice but that he will let you know something gradually over the years.
It is right in the middle of our struggle with our worldly self that God comes to us.
He is beside us in all of it. God is with us.
As we come to realize that we are connected with the same Christ who died so that we could be restored to himself and that he loves us so much that he lives in us, then we can take off our masks, and begin to experience freedom as God’s beloved children. We have freedom to be molded into Christ's image, freedom to mature in him, freedom to love and freedom from sin. . And It is only in Christ's grace and unconditional love that we can face our sin, show our wounds, and face our true self.
This type of encounter challenges us to hide nothing from God and to surrender ourselves unconditionally to his mercy.
“In doing this we will unmask many illusions about ourselves and about God and we will be led into the true relationship we are purposed to have with God.”
Time spend alone with God is a time of
Purification and
transformation,
It’s a place of struggle,
and of and encounter with the Lord.
This time is not only a means to an end. It's ends are met within it.
It is the place where Christ transforms us into his image and frees us from false desires. It’s a place of salvation.
We can come in with a heart of stone and that can be turned into a heart of flesh. A rebellious heart can be turned into a contrite heart. A closed heart can open itself up.
A whole new self can grow when we have a loving encounter with Jesus.
Time spent with God will renew our minds as well as descend slowly from the mind to the heart.
“The crisis our time (in scripture and prayer) is that our minds are filled with the ideas of God while our hearts remain far from him.”
The heart is the central unifying piece of our personal life where we are totally one with no divisions. It is the seat of our personality and it is where Christ dwells in us
So what does this mean in our daily lives?
The very first thing we need to do is set apart a time and place to be with God and him alone. The concrete shape of this discipline of solitude will be different for each person but will not remain vague or general. It must be as concrete and specific as daily life is.
Before I moved to France I was much more dependant on my friends to fulfill me, to affirm me, to give me worth and feed me spiritually. I have to confess that I did not spend a lot of time alone with God. So I found myself running around from person to person asking them to fulfill me.
But when we moved to France we left all those friends behind as well as our families and church and jobs and anything else that gave us roots or security. I had to depend on God more because He was all I had to look to. Everyone else was new. But sometime the times that are the most difficult can be the most rewarding. God worked in me to satisfy my soul and find my true identity in him like never before.
I see it like a prism. When the people we know are connecting with God they shine in God’s light, but it is filtered light, like through a prism. Some giving off red light others blue others yellow, so we run around trying to gather all that we need from the people around us. But this is impossible. We will never have enough time or energy to gather all the encouragement and kindness and love and patience that we need to be full.
But when we come to God, the source of all light, we receive pure white light. And within white light there are all the colors of the rainbow. All that we need to be satisfied. There’s every color of the spectrum. And in just a short time each day of that pure God light we can be satisfied.
Solitude is where spiritual ministry begins. That's where Jesus listened to God. That's where we listen to God. Because without time spent with God we will look to others begging for affirmation, praise or success. And then we are not free.
Community
It's in that communion with God, that we discover the call to community. It's remarkable that solitude Will always call us out to other people to live life together.
And by community we are talking about families, friends, churches, prayer groups.
By community we are not talking about an organization; community is a way of living:
Community is not easy. Somebody once said, "Community is the place where the person you least want to live with always lives." In Jesus' community one of twelve apostles betrays him.
Why is it so important that solitude come before community? This is a quote that I’d like you to reflect on:
‘If we do not know we are the beloved sons and daughters of God, we're going to expect someone in the community to make us feel that way. They cannot. We'll expect someone to give us that perfect, unconditional love. But community is not loneliness grabbing onto loneliness: "I'm so lonely, and you're so lonely.’ It's beloved grabbing onto beloved.
Sometimes you are close, and that's wonderful. Sometimes you don't feel much love, and that's hard. But we can be faithful. We can create a space for God to move and for his children.
I once had a conversation with someone who was about to leave France. I asked this person what their initial impressions of some people were, expecting to hear good thing, but what came out was a lot of judgment and negativity. This person had been going through a big life change and this caused increased judgment of others.
Fortunately when we moved to the next question of ‘What will you take back with you?’ This person answered ‘Community’. They had made a commitment to community and despite their initial reactions they stuck with it. And in the end it was the main thing that they will take home with them.
Why this is so important to us here at ICCP is that so many of us are in this same place of being uprooted from our worlds and placed in a totally new culture, school, language, church, group of friends, world. And along with this can come increased insecurities and fears or increased judgment like in the case of this friend that I had mentioned. So the importance of commitment to community is really heightened.
I have found that the same people that may not connect with you at first can become the closest to you. In times of change like this God opens up our minds to not just seek out people who are just like me but to look to people who are different from us to draw into community with. And God will teach us much more about life and ourselves and himself through these type of relationships than he even does with the types of safe relationships we seek out.
Key pieces of a healthy community are forgiveness and celebration.
What is forgiveness? Forgiveness allows the other person not to be God. Forgiveness says, "I know you love me, but you don't have to love me unconditionally, because no human being can do that."
If we want other people to give us something that only God can give, we act wickedly and before we know it we become demanding or manipulative or violent.
To forgive other people for being able to give you only a little love—that's a hard discipline.
To keep asking others for forgiveness because you can give only a little love—that's a hard discipline too.
It hurts to say to your spouse or to your friends, that you cannot give them all that you would like to give. But this is where community starts to be created,
True life in Christ is lived in this way. Through confession, the dark powers are taken out of their fleshy isolation, brought into the light, and made visible.
There is nothing we should not bring into God’s light. There is nothing too ugly or damaging for us to bring before God. When things remain in darkness we will not be healed but in the light there is hope and forgiveness. Through forgiveness, these things are disarmed and put away with and a new freedom is made possible."
This is where celebration comes in because If you can forgive that another person cannot give you what only God can give, then you can celebrate that person's gifts.
We start to see the love that person is giving us as a reflection of God's great unconditional love.
"Love one another because I have loved you first."
When we know that is God’s love filtering through the people around us, we can start to see that their love is the reflection of his. And we can celebrate that and say, "How beautiful!"
Ministry
That leads us onto ministry.
All followers of Jesus are called to ministry.
Ministry is not, first of all, something that you do (although it calls you to do many things). Ministry is life style. If you receive God’s love and remember his first commandment, to love God with our whole heart and mind and strength and will and soul and all of us. And to love others. And if you keep forgiving those that you formed community and keep celebrate their gifts, you can’t do anything but minister. God will work in lives of those around you and the kingdom will grow and expand.
Gratitude and compassion are two key elements of ministry.
Gratitude- Healing happens by leading people into gratitude. The world is full of resentment. We say “This isn’t the way I want things." As time passes, there are more and more things we become negative about, and soon we can become resentful people.
Resentment makes you hold onto your failures or disappointments. Then we complain about the losses in your life. Life is full of losses— losses of dreams ,friends ,family ,hopes. So we want to respond to these incredible pains with resentment. It’s resentment that gives us a hardened heart.
But Jesus calls us to gratitude. He says, "Didn't you know that we have to suffer to enter into the glory? He compares the pain to labor pains. that lead you to the joy.
How much can you be grateful for?
Can you be grateful for everything that has happened in your life?—not just the good things but everything?
It was Jesus’ pains that led us into a restored relationship with God
In ministry we help others to let go of the resentment, to discover that right in the middle of pain there is a blessing. Right in the middle of your tears—that's where the dance starts and joy is first felt.
In this upside-down world, there's an enormous distinction between good times and bad, between sorrow and joy. But in the eyes of God, they're never separated. Where there is pain, there is healing. Where there is mourning, there is dancing. Where there is poverty, there is the kingdom.
Jesus says, "Cry over your pains,and you will discover that I'm right there in your tears, and you will be grateful for my presence in your weakness."
To minister, you have to be where the pain is. Sometimes that pain is hidden in a person who from the outside might look painless or successful. In Aix there are a lot of people like this, who look fine from the outside but are full of pain and loneliness on the inside.
We are sent to wherever there is poverty, loneliness, and suffering. Sometimes this is physical poverty and other times it is spiritual or emotional poverty but we must be with the people.
If we look back to our four ideas from kids camp #2 is that ‘God is with us.’ He is with us in the pain and in the joy and he is calling us to be with the people we minister to. Not separate.
“Somehow we have come to believe that good leadership requires a safe distance from those we are called to lead... But how can we lay down our life for those with whom we are not even allowed to enter into a deep personal relationship? Laying down your life means making your own faith and doubt, hope and despair, joy and sadness, courage and fear available to others as ways of getting in touch with the Lord of life. The mystery of ministry is that we have been chosen to make our own limited and very conditional love the gateway for the unlimited and unconditional love of God.”
God is with us
God is calling us
But don't be afraid. Don't say, "I can't do that." God can use us. Even in the midst of our brokenness and imperfections.
The people the have ministered most to me in my life were not perfect people, but people who loved God the most and were not afraid to be with me in my struggles and in my celebrations.
What counts in your life and mine is not successes but fruits. The fruits of your life you might not see yourself but we can trust that they are there. The fruit of your life are born often in your pain and your vulnerability and in your losses.
Solitude, community, ministry— these disciplines help us live a fruitful life. Remain in Jesus; he remains in you. You will bear many fruits, you will have great joy, and your joy will be complete.
Let’s pray together.
May we walk in the light of your life all the days of our lives and dwell in the house of the lord forever.
Based on Henri Nouwen's 'Moving from Solitude to Community to Ministry'
'Way of the Heart'
'In the Name of Jesus'
Saturday, December 6, 2008
Conflict, Anger, Forgiveness, and Reconciliation
Nine Steps to Conflict Resolution
Matthew 18:15, "If your brother or sister sins against you, go and show them their fault, just between the two of you. If they listen to you, you have won them over."
This one statement of Jesus is the key to resolving conflict in any human relationship. The manual for conflict resolution is right here and it's found in seven simple steps, easy enough for a child to follow. Instead of show and tell, it's go and tell. Go and tell the person who hurt you and make it right.
Sounds simple, doesn't it. The problem is we so often don't do it. We tell everybody but the person who hurt us. In fact, this one verse may be the single most violated command that Jesus ever gave. Why? Because at each point we face a crossroads. At each step there are powerful reasons to ignore Jesus and go the other way. So let's walk through the steps one at a time.
Step one is acknowledge the conflict.
Jesus says if your brother or sister sins against you , but we could probably replace it with when your brother or sister sins against you because to be alive means to be in conflict. It's part of the Dance of the Porcupines. It's part of being slightly irregular, "as is" human beings. People aren't normal, but conflict is.
The first step sounds simple enough, acknowledge the conflict. But here's the first crossroad. Most of us would rather pretend that there is no conflict, that the conflict doesn't exist. Sometimes we think that lack of conflict is a sign of spiritual maturity, when really it could be a sign of denial or even apathy in a relationship. So when we're confronted we might say things like, "What's the big deal? Can't you take a joke? I was only kidding." And when we do that we can totally invalidate the person who wants to talk about the hurt.
So the place to start is to honestly admit that there is unresolved conflict that needs to be dealt with. There's been a relational meltdown that needs to be addressed. If we're going to live life in healthy community, un-addressed and unresolved conflict is not an option.
Step two is to own the responsibility of dealing with it.
The word Jesus uses is you not the other person. He calls on every one of us to own the job of conflict resolution, which often brings us to another crossroads.
We don't want to do it. Instead, we want the person who hurt us to make the first move. "It's not fair that I should have to take the first step, I didn't hurt them. They hurt me."
In Matthew 18 the issue is going to the person who has hurt us, but in Matthew 5 Jesus says we need to go to a person if we realize we have hurt them. Matthew 5:23-24, "Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, 24leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to your brother; then come and offer your gift."
You see, either way the first move is always ours. In fact, Jesus says it's more important to make a relationship right than it is to go to church. It's the most spiritual thing we can do. There is no hidden Bible verse that says wait for them to come to us. Jesus puts the burden on us in both cases. If we've done something wrong, take the first step. If the other person has done something wrong, we still take the first step.
Why? Because porcupines are stubborn, prickly little creatures. Because there's a surplus of stone throwers and a deficit of peacemakers in this world. And because people who value community are people who own the responsibility to deal with relational breakdown.
Soul work
Part of owning responsibility to deal with the conflict is to forgive the other person as we have been forgiven. Reconciliation and restoration takes work from both parties, forgiveness is something that is ours to give with Christ’s help.
(See the Forgiveness section below at the bottom for what forgiveness is and what it is not.)
Identifying the Log
· Not a superficial exercise, just to gain a better hearing
· Ask God to help you search your heart, thoughts and ways
· Take your ego and subjectivity out of the situation; instead take an objective look at the situation, yourself, and the other person.
Ask yourself ‘Why’ Questions
· Why did this make me angry?
· Why do I find this so hurtful?
· Why am I fearful?
Reflect on your
· Words
· Actions
· Attitudes
· Interpretations
· Motives
Take out the Trash
David in the midst of his anger over his enemies says to the LORD in Psalm 139: 23-24, “Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.”
In the middle of our most difficult situations is the best time to grow. (Plants grow fastest in manure) Use this opportunity to ‘take out the trash’ by asking these kind of soul probing questions.
Don’t settle for easy answers: drill down to the hear-level
(FFS see Hud’s Developmental Model section 4.)
Having recognized what the log is, we must now take action to remove it.
· Confess faults to God
· Ask God to help us with insecurities, sin and maturity issues
· Identify the lies we believed
· Receive His forgiveness
· Repent with God’s help
· Acknowledge your part to the other person.
Step three is forgiveness
What forgiveness is ...
o Forgiveness begins when we give up the right to get even.
This is where you need to think about your personal situation. Who is it that you want to pay? Who is it that you want to punish? Who is it that you think about and dream of all the ways their life could be as miserable as they have made yours?
My friend is tormented day and night by thoughts of his father. Somehow, he wants him to pay. I was not asking my friend to excuse his father. I was not asking my friend to forget all the horrible things his father had done to him. I was not asking him to reconcile with his father and put himself in a position where his father might try to hurt him again.
I was asking him to stop trying to get even. Vengeance by its nature is insatiable. I was inviting him to be free ...
Forgiveness involves a new way of seeing and feeling. When we have been hurt by another person we tend to stop seeing them as a person (objectifying) and rather only see the hurt.
o When we forgive we begin to look past the hurt and focus on the humanity of the one who hurt us.
We recognize that they do not live a perfect life ... they didn't have perfect parents ... they are lonely or hurting or weak just like me. But they are also created in the image of a God who loves them.
o Forgiveness progresses when you find yourself wishing the other person well.
No longer do you fantasize about the pain that you would wish upon their life. You begin to hope for good things for them. You desire the peace of God in their troubled life.
Why we forgive…
There's a story told of Leonardo da Vinci, the brilliant artist, who was working on his famous painting "The Last Supper" when he got angry with a certain man. In fact, at one point he was so angry that he lost his temper and lashed out at the person with some very bitter words. Later on when he returned to the canvas to continue painting he tried to work on the face of Jesus. But he was so upset that he just couldn't pull it together to do that. So finally he put down his brush and went out to find the man he had blasted and asked his forgiveness. He reconciled the relationship. The man forgave him and da Vinci was able to go back to his studio and finish painting the face of Jesus.
The Last Supper is a painting of the Lord's Table, the table that we're about to enjoy together. Does it bring to mind a relationship that needs to be reconciled? If it does, then you need to make it right quickly. It's hard to spend time with Jesus and stay angry very long. He's always nudging us towards reconciliation.
There are two ways to live with hurt: the way of vengeance and the way of forgiveness. The first way leads to death, and the second to life.
1. For our own sake
· Refusing to forgive will make our spirits bitter
· It is like drinking poison and hoping the other person will die
· God commands us to forgive because He knows that no human beings are more miserable than the unforgiving.
2. For God’s sake
· Forgiveness is the very heart beat of God. It is His invention and the only hope for His romance with the human race. When we choose to forgive, we open the door to the miraculous. God is just waiting for us to express our faith and attempt the unimaginable.
· It is repeatedly commanded in scripture
“Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.” Colossians 3:13
· If we do not forgive we will not be forgiven
“But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.” Matthew 6:15
· If we do not forgive our prayers will be hindered.
“Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours. 25And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive him, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins." Mark 11:24-26
3. Restoring the relationship is impossible without forgiveness
· What interests do you share?
4.For the sake of the other person
“Look also to the interests of others.” Philippians 2:4
· What underlying interests does the other person have?
Three Things that Forgiveness is Not ...
1. Forgiveness is not the same thing as excusing.
If a little kid is staring at the cereal in the grocery store and runs into you, you don't need to forgive him ... you simply excuse him. He's a little kid. He's enamored by the cereal boxes. It's excusable behavior.
But when there is no good rationale to explain why someone did something to hurt you ... that is when forgiveness is required
2. Forgiveness is not forgetting.
We've all heard the saying forgive and forget. That might be possible when someone cuts you off in traffic. But it is impossible to forget when someone has deeply or repeatedly hurt us.
Forgiving is precisely what is required when we cannot forget.
3. Forgiving is not the same thing as reconciling.
I have a good friend who has always struggled with his father. I always just assumed it was because his father abandoned him and his mother and brothers and sisters ... leaving them in a very difficult situation to fend for themselves.
It wasn't until recent years that he confided in me that for years his father had physically abused him repeatedly in a tortuous, intimidating way. Nobody else in the family knew anything about it and if they did, they never did anything about it.
My friend is an adult now and still tormented by his feelings of hatred toward his father. One day we were talking about how difficult it is for him to get on with his life and I made the radical suggestion that he forgive his father.
I'll never forget the look of anguish that came over him as he shook his head from side to side and said over and over, "no, no, no!"
My friend thought that I was saying he needed to reconcile with his father. To run back to him and spend time with the man that struck terror into his heart. That is not forgiveness. Forgiveness only requires one human being. (forgiveness waits for reconciliation in my opinion. Waits for the other party to be ready) Reconciliation requires two willing parties both broken and sincerely sorry. So what does forgiveness involve?
How to forgive
· We must remember how much we have been forgiven.
Matthew 18:21-35- See the parable of the servant who was forgiven a debt of ten thousand talents, but who refused to forgive a debtor who owed him one hundred denarii.
· It is an act of obedience and gratitude
· When we stop objectifying the other person and see them as imperfect but loved creations of God.
Step four is to decide if you will overlook the offence.
Overlooking is different from denial. When we deny we pretend there is no difficulty.
When we overlook we recognize the problem but determine that the best course of action is to choose to forgive the offence without even brining it to the attention of the offending party.
When is it wrong to overlook?
· When God is being publicly dishonored.
· When your relationship with the other party is damaged in some ongoing way.
· When people are hurt- yourself or others.
· When the offender is in spiritual or physical danger because of their offence.
Don’t “stuff” it
Some of us grew up in homes where anger was never acknowledged. The only way we dealt with anger was to "stuff" it. That was the case in my home. And when you grow up in a family like that you can think, "I should never experience anger. Anger means I'm a terrible person. Anger is bad."
But that's a lie. God gave us with the capacity to get angry. God gets angry from time to time. Psalm 30:5 says, For his anger lasts only a moment, but his favor lasts a lifetime.
Anger is like a smoke detector. It's good to have one on every floor of your house. When it beeps, it tells you that something's wrong. It's good to have smoke detectors. They can save your life. But it's not good to live with a smoke detector that's always beeping.
Anger is our God given smoke detector to warn us that something is wrong and needs to be fixed. Anger is meant to motivate us to do something. And this is what we're to do. Go to the person who has made us angry.
Step five is to cool down
Proverbs 14:17 says, People with a hot temper do foolish things. Wiser people remain calm. (GNB) You may need to buy some time just to allow the rpm's to slow down. That's okay. You may even want to do a self-check and ask yourself, "Why am I so angry? And what is it that I want that I'm not getting?"
Anger experts tell us that anger is not a primary emotion. Remember when you were in elementary school and learned about the three primary colors: red, blue and yellow. All the other colors are made from a mixture of those three. Well in that same way, anger is not a primary emotion. It is a mixture of emotions, such as hurt, frustration, or fear. Those are often the feelings that are underneath the anger. We get angry after we first get hurt by someone or after we first get frustrated trying to accomplish a task or first feel afraid of someone or something.
But once we've cooled down and thought things through we need to "go." The apostle Paul wrote these words to a community that was facing conflict.
Ephesians 4:26,” In your anger do not sin. Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry.” We need to address it as quickly as possible.
If you are uncertain of your feelings, how to respond, or where you were responsible in the conflict, it may be helpful to consider journaling or going to a close and trusted friend before you go to the offending party. This can help us to help you sort out the hurt or anger we feel as well as how to approach the person.
The crossroads here to gossip. Why? Because it's easier and frankly more fun to go to someone else and tear the other person apart. But when we do that we can just make things worse. That doesn't mean we should never talk about our anger. We all need a sounding board that can help us plan to resolve the conflict. But if we're going to a third person, it should be with the goal taking ownership or our own errors and moving towards the person who hurt us for reconciliation.
Step number six is to go to the person.
"If your brother sins against you, go and show him his fault, just between the two of you. If he listens to you, you have won your brother over.” Matthew 18:15
Not avoiding, but approaching the person with whom you have an issue. This is a huge step in the process and right here the battle is often won or lost. At this crossroads we wrestle with thoughts like, "Just forget it, it's not that big of a deal." "I don't want to make them feel bad." "What they did really shouldn't of hurt me anyway." "Who am I to confront them?" "It could cost the relationship." "What if they come at me with all I've done to hurt them?" "What difference will it make anyway?" The evil one loves to use these thoughts and ideas to sabotage community.
But Jesus says, go. Don't wait. We can't wait until we've rehearsed our speech perfectly. We may stutter and stammer all over the place. It's not important that we do it flawlessly. It's just important that we do it. Avoiding issues of hurt kills community and causes resentment to fester inside of us.
Step seven is to use sensitivity
Go in private. One on one. Just between the two of you, Jesus says. The crossroads here is the temptation to go and let them have it. Make 'em pay. Hurt them back. Embarrass them in front of an audience. But Jesus says, "No." Instead, approach them the same way you would want to be approached. Sensitivity is one of the most important parts of healthy anger management.
We don't go to blow off steam or get it off our chest or let it fly. According to Ortberg, (And Goleman) research done on anger management over several decades has failed to find a single study that demonstrates that catharsis, or letting your anger fly, is an effective way to manage anger. Instead, it just creates more anger inside us and in the person that we rage all over. The simplest guideline here is the golden rule: approach others the way that you would want them to approach you.
Step number eight is to communicate directly
Discuss the problem. Jesus says, Show them their fault. The temptation here is to beat around the bush and not be totally honest. Some of us around here talk about saying the last 10%. Often, after going through all the hard work of setting up a difficult conversation, we get afraid and we shrink back from saying the hardest but most important truth. We fail to say the very thing that caused us to meet in the first place, the last 10%. We get vague and fuzzy just when we need to be crystal clear.
Saying the last 10% sounds like this. "You weren't really listening to me which made me feel like I don't matter to you. That causes me to pull away in our relationship and I don't want that. I want us to connect more closely. That's why I was hurt." It's not easy to say that. But that's what Jesus means by showing them their fault.
Step number nine is the goal of conflict resolution and that is reconciliation and restoration.
If they listen to you, you have won them over. The goal is not to even the score or to make the other person pay or feel bad, it's to be reconciled to each other. Restoring the relationship is the goal of conflict resolution. Getting back into community is the aim. If it's not, all of the hard work is for nothing.
Reconciliation
· Reconciliation is when we are brought into agreement or harmony; make compatible or consistent. Brought back into relationship.
· Requires that the guilty party desires to be forgiven
· Involves acknowledgement of guilt
· Is a necessary preliminary to restoration
Restoration
· Restoration is the reestablishing of something that was taken away or lost.
· The restitution of the relationship; being brought into a right relationship.
· Involves both parties
· We may need to set boundaries
· May be gradual and conditional
If reconciliation does not work the first time...
You can try a third party
· Coaching- getting someone to help you to approach the situation better
· Mediation- asking someone to sit down with you and your friend to help you work out things together
· Arbitration- You and the other person agree to ask someone to decide about a tangible issue on which you cannot agree.
If they do not listen to you
In sin issues we add three other steps to this. If the person continues in sin after we talk to them personally we are to according to Matthew 18: 15-17…
“But if he will not listen, take one or two others along, so that 'every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses. If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church; and if he refuses to listen even to the church, treat him as you would a pagan or a tax collector.”
1. Take one or two others along. If they refuse to listen…
2. Decide the issue within the church. If they refuse to listen…
3. Treat his as you would anyone who has rejected the way of Christ.
If things have worked out well
· Thank God together
· Get clear agreements on tangible issues
· Learn by reflecting on what has happened
· Seek accountability and growth
If things didn’t work out well
Reaffirm a Godly attitude
Recognize that deep problems may underline a conflict
You are responsible for your own actions, not theirs
Consider a degree of constructive separation
Pray that God will bless the other party
So those are nine simple steps in conflict resolution according to Jesus. That's what keeps a community healthy. But sometimes even conflict resolution doesn't work. Sometimes we need a miracle. And God created one. It's called forgiveness.
Reflection Questions
1. How did your family handle conflict when you were growing up?
2. What characterizes your approach to conflict?
-Avoid at all costs
-I can face it, but I don't like it
-A good argument every once in a while clears the air
-I do conflict recreationally
3. Pay attention to your anger and anxiety today. What triggers it? How do you handle it? Is it most often fed by hurt, by frustration, or by fear?
4. Are there any people in your life who tend to drag you in as a third party to a conflict where you should not be involved? How can you handle this?
5. Think of a person whose conflict management skills you admire. What makes him or her effective? Ask them how they became skilled at dealing with anger.
6. How are you doing at speaking the last 10%, and whom can you ask to hold you accountable to do it?
7. Is there any unresolved conflict in your life? If so, ruthlessly decide to seek and resolve it.
Sources:
John Ortberg
Everybody's Normal Till You Get to Know Them
Bruce Carter
Finding the Love of Your Life
02/29/2004 Anger Management, Matthew 18:15
Matthew 18:15, "If your brother or sister sins against you, go and show them their fault, just between the two of you. If they listen to you, you have won them over."
This one statement of Jesus is the key to resolving conflict in any human relationship. The manual for conflict resolution is right here and it's found in seven simple steps, easy enough for a child to follow. Instead of show and tell, it's go and tell. Go and tell the person who hurt you and make it right.
Sounds simple, doesn't it. The problem is we so often don't do it. We tell everybody but the person who hurt us. In fact, this one verse may be the single most violated command that Jesus ever gave. Why? Because at each point we face a crossroads. At each step there are powerful reasons to ignore Jesus and go the other way. So let's walk through the steps one at a time.
Step one is acknowledge the conflict.
Jesus says if your brother or sister sins against you , but we could probably replace it with when your brother or sister sins against you because to be alive means to be in conflict. It's part of the Dance of the Porcupines. It's part of being slightly irregular, "as is" human beings. People aren't normal, but conflict is.
The first step sounds simple enough, acknowledge the conflict. But here's the first crossroad. Most of us would rather pretend that there is no conflict, that the conflict doesn't exist. Sometimes we think that lack of conflict is a sign of spiritual maturity, when really it could be a sign of denial or even apathy in a relationship. So when we're confronted we might say things like, "What's the big deal? Can't you take a joke? I was only kidding." And when we do that we can totally invalidate the person who wants to talk about the hurt.
So the place to start is to honestly admit that there is unresolved conflict that needs to be dealt with. There's been a relational meltdown that needs to be addressed. If we're going to live life in healthy community, un-addressed and unresolved conflict is not an option.
Step two is to own the responsibility of dealing with it.
The word Jesus uses is you not the other person. He calls on every one of us to own the job of conflict resolution, which often brings us to another crossroads.
We don't want to do it. Instead, we want the person who hurt us to make the first move. "It's not fair that I should have to take the first step, I didn't hurt them. They hurt me."
In Matthew 18 the issue is going to the person who has hurt us, but in Matthew 5 Jesus says we need to go to a person if we realize we have hurt them. Matthew 5:23-24, "Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, 24leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to your brother; then come and offer your gift."
You see, either way the first move is always ours. In fact, Jesus says it's more important to make a relationship right than it is to go to church. It's the most spiritual thing we can do. There is no hidden Bible verse that says wait for them to come to us. Jesus puts the burden on us in both cases. If we've done something wrong, take the first step. If the other person has done something wrong, we still take the first step.
Why? Because porcupines are stubborn, prickly little creatures. Because there's a surplus of stone throwers and a deficit of peacemakers in this world. And because people who value community are people who own the responsibility to deal with relational breakdown.
Soul work
Part of owning responsibility to deal with the conflict is to forgive the other person as we have been forgiven. Reconciliation and restoration takes work from both parties, forgiveness is something that is ours to give with Christ’s help.
(See the Forgiveness section below at the bottom for what forgiveness is and what it is not.)
Identifying the Log
· Not a superficial exercise, just to gain a better hearing
· Ask God to help you search your heart, thoughts and ways
· Take your ego and subjectivity out of the situation; instead take an objective look at the situation, yourself, and the other person.
Ask yourself ‘Why’ Questions
· Why did this make me angry?
· Why do I find this so hurtful?
· Why am I fearful?
Reflect on your
· Words
· Actions
· Attitudes
· Interpretations
· Motives
Take out the Trash
David in the midst of his anger over his enemies says to the LORD in Psalm 139: 23-24, “Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.”
In the middle of our most difficult situations is the best time to grow. (Plants grow fastest in manure) Use this opportunity to ‘take out the trash’ by asking these kind of soul probing questions.
Don’t settle for easy answers: drill down to the hear-level
(FFS see Hud’s Developmental Model section 4.)
Having recognized what the log is, we must now take action to remove it.
· Confess faults to God
· Ask God to help us with insecurities, sin and maturity issues
· Identify the lies we believed
· Receive His forgiveness
· Repent with God’s help
· Acknowledge your part to the other person.
Step three is forgiveness
What forgiveness is ...
o Forgiveness begins when we give up the right to get even.
This is where you need to think about your personal situation. Who is it that you want to pay? Who is it that you want to punish? Who is it that you think about and dream of all the ways their life could be as miserable as they have made yours?
My friend is tormented day and night by thoughts of his father. Somehow, he wants him to pay. I was not asking my friend to excuse his father. I was not asking my friend to forget all the horrible things his father had done to him. I was not asking him to reconcile with his father and put himself in a position where his father might try to hurt him again.
I was asking him to stop trying to get even. Vengeance by its nature is insatiable. I was inviting him to be free ...
Forgiveness involves a new way of seeing and feeling. When we have been hurt by another person we tend to stop seeing them as a person (objectifying) and rather only see the hurt.
o When we forgive we begin to look past the hurt and focus on the humanity of the one who hurt us.
We recognize that they do not live a perfect life ... they didn't have perfect parents ... they are lonely or hurting or weak just like me. But they are also created in the image of a God who loves them.
o Forgiveness progresses when you find yourself wishing the other person well.
No longer do you fantasize about the pain that you would wish upon their life. You begin to hope for good things for them. You desire the peace of God in their troubled life.
Why we forgive…
There's a story told of Leonardo da Vinci, the brilliant artist, who was working on his famous painting "The Last Supper" when he got angry with a certain man. In fact, at one point he was so angry that he lost his temper and lashed out at the person with some very bitter words. Later on when he returned to the canvas to continue painting he tried to work on the face of Jesus. But he was so upset that he just couldn't pull it together to do that. So finally he put down his brush and went out to find the man he had blasted and asked his forgiveness. He reconciled the relationship. The man forgave him and da Vinci was able to go back to his studio and finish painting the face of Jesus.
The Last Supper is a painting of the Lord's Table, the table that we're about to enjoy together. Does it bring to mind a relationship that needs to be reconciled? If it does, then you need to make it right quickly. It's hard to spend time with Jesus and stay angry very long. He's always nudging us towards reconciliation.
There are two ways to live with hurt: the way of vengeance and the way of forgiveness. The first way leads to death, and the second to life.
1. For our own sake
· Refusing to forgive will make our spirits bitter
· It is like drinking poison and hoping the other person will die
· God commands us to forgive because He knows that no human beings are more miserable than the unforgiving.
2. For God’s sake
· Forgiveness is the very heart beat of God. It is His invention and the only hope for His romance with the human race. When we choose to forgive, we open the door to the miraculous. God is just waiting for us to express our faith and attempt the unimaginable.
· It is repeatedly commanded in scripture
“Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.” Colossians 3:13
· If we do not forgive we will not be forgiven
“But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.” Matthew 6:15
· If we do not forgive our prayers will be hindered.
“Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours. 25And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive him, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins." Mark 11:24-26
3. Restoring the relationship is impossible without forgiveness
· What interests do you share?
4.For the sake of the other person
“Look also to the interests of others.” Philippians 2:4
· What underlying interests does the other person have?
Three Things that Forgiveness is Not ...
1. Forgiveness is not the same thing as excusing.
If a little kid is staring at the cereal in the grocery store and runs into you, you don't need to forgive him ... you simply excuse him. He's a little kid. He's enamored by the cereal boxes. It's excusable behavior.
But when there is no good rationale to explain why someone did something to hurt you ... that is when forgiveness is required
2. Forgiveness is not forgetting.
We've all heard the saying forgive and forget. That might be possible when someone cuts you off in traffic. But it is impossible to forget when someone has deeply or repeatedly hurt us.
Forgiving is precisely what is required when we cannot forget.
3. Forgiving is not the same thing as reconciling.
I have a good friend who has always struggled with his father. I always just assumed it was because his father abandoned him and his mother and brothers and sisters ... leaving them in a very difficult situation to fend for themselves.
It wasn't until recent years that he confided in me that for years his father had physically abused him repeatedly in a tortuous, intimidating way. Nobody else in the family knew anything about it and if they did, they never did anything about it.
My friend is an adult now and still tormented by his feelings of hatred toward his father. One day we were talking about how difficult it is for him to get on with his life and I made the radical suggestion that he forgive his father.
I'll never forget the look of anguish that came over him as he shook his head from side to side and said over and over, "no, no, no!"
My friend thought that I was saying he needed to reconcile with his father. To run back to him and spend time with the man that struck terror into his heart. That is not forgiveness. Forgiveness only requires one human being. (forgiveness waits for reconciliation in my opinion. Waits for the other party to be ready) Reconciliation requires two willing parties both broken and sincerely sorry. So what does forgiveness involve?
How to forgive
· We must remember how much we have been forgiven.
Matthew 18:21-35- See the parable of the servant who was forgiven a debt of ten thousand talents, but who refused to forgive a debtor who owed him one hundred denarii.
· It is an act of obedience and gratitude
· When we stop objectifying the other person and see them as imperfect but loved creations of God.
Step four is to decide if you will overlook the offence.
Overlooking is different from denial. When we deny we pretend there is no difficulty.
When we overlook we recognize the problem but determine that the best course of action is to choose to forgive the offence without even brining it to the attention of the offending party.
When is it wrong to overlook?
· When God is being publicly dishonored.
· When your relationship with the other party is damaged in some ongoing way.
· When people are hurt- yourself or others.
· When the offender is in spiritual or physical danger because of their offence.
Don’t “stuff” it
Some of us grew up in homes where anger was never acknowledged. The only way we dealt with anger was to "stuff" it. That was the case in my home. And when you grow up in a family like that you can think, "I should never experience anger. Anger means I'm a terrible person. Anger is bad."
But that's a lie. God gave us with the capacity to get angry. God gets angry from time to time. Psalm 30:5 says, For his anger lasts only a moment, but his favor lasts a lifetime.
Anger is like a smoke detector. It's good to have one on every floor of your house. When it beeps, it tells you that something's wrong. It's good to have smoke detectors. They can save your life. But it's not good to live with a smoke detector that's always beeping.
Anger is our God given smoke detector to warn us that something is wrong and needs to be fixed. Anger is meant to motivate us to do something. And this is what we're to do. Go to the person who has made us angry.
Step five is to cool down
Proverbs 14:17 says, People with a hot temper do foolish things. Wiser people remain calm. (GNB) You may need to buy some time just to allow the rpm's to slow down. That's okay. You may even want to do a self-check and ask yourself, "Why am I so angry? And what is it that I want that I'm not getting?"
Anger experts tell us that anger is not a primary emotion. Remember when you were in elementary school and learned about the three primary colors: red, blue and yellow. All the other colors are made from a mixture of those three. Well in that same way, anger is not a primary emotion. It is a mixture of emotions, such as hurt, frustration, or fear. Those are often the feelings that are underneath the anger. We get angry after we first get hurt by someone or after we first get frustrated trying to accomplish a task or first feel afraid of someone or something.
But once we've cooled down and thought things through we need to "go." The apostle Paul wrote these words to a community that was facing conflict.
Ephesians 4:26,” In your anger do not sin. Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry.” We need to address it as quickly as possible.
If you are uncertain of your feelings, how to respond, or where you were responsible in the conflict, it may be helpful to consider journaling or going to a close and trusted friend before you go to the offending party. This can help us to help you sort out the hurt or anger we feel as well as how to approach the person.
The crossroads here to gossip. Why? Because it's easier and frankly more fun to go to someone else and tear the other person apart. But when we do that we can just make things worse. That doesn't mean we should never talk about our anger. We all need a sounding board that can help us plan to resolve the conflict. But if we're going to a third person, it should be with the goal taking ownership or our own errors and moving towards the person who hurt us for reconciliation.
Step number six is to go to the person.
"If your brother sins against you, go and show him his fault, just between the two of you. If he listens to you, you have won your brother over.” Matthew 18:15
Not avoiding, but approaching the person with whom you have an issue. This is a huge step in the process and right here the battle is often won or lost. At this crossroads we wrestle with thoughts like, "Just forget it, it's not that big of a deal." "I don't want to make them feel bad." "What they did really shouldn't of hurt me anyway." "Who am I to confront them?" "It could cost the relationship." "What if they come at me with all I've done to hurt them?" "What difference will it make anyway?" The evil one loves to use these thoughts and ideas to sabotage community.
But Jesus says, go. Don't wait. We can't wait until we've rehearsed our speech perfectly. We may stutter and stammer all over the place. It's not important that we do it flawlessly. It's just important that we do it. Avoiding issues of hurt kills community and causes resentment to fester inside of us.
Step seven is to use sensitivity
Go in private. One on one. Just between the two of you, Jesus says. The crossroads here is the temptation to go and let them have it. Make 'em pay. Hurt them back. Embarrass them in front of an audience. But Jesus says, "No." Instead, approach them the same way you would want to be approached. Sensitivity is one of the most important parts of healthy anger management.
We don't go to blow off steam or get it off our chest or let it fly. According to Ortberg, (And Goleman) research done on anger management over several decades has failed to find a single study that demonstrates that catharsis, or letting your anger fly, is an effective way to manage anger. Instead, it just creates more anger inside us and in the person that we rage all over. The simplest guideline here is the golden rule: approach others the way that you would want them to approach you.
Step number eight is to communicate directly
Discuss the problem. Jesus says, Show them their fault. The temptation here is to beat around the bush and not be totally honest. Some of us around here talk about saying the last 10%. Often, after going through all the hard work of setting up a difficult conversation, we get afraid and we shrink back from saying the hardest but most important truth. We fail to say the very thing that caused us to meet in the first place, the last 10%. We get vague and fuzzy just when we need to be crystal clear.
Saying the last 10% sounds like this. "You weren't really listening to me which made me feel like I don't matter to you. That causes me to pull away in our relationship and I don't want that. I want us to connect more closely. That's why I was hurt." It's not easy to say that. But that's what Jesus means by showing them their fault.
Step number nine is the goal of conflict resolution and that is reconciliation and restoration.
If they listen to you, you have won them over. The goal is not to even the score or to make the other person pay or feel bad, it's to be reconciled to each other. Restoring the relationship is the goal of conflict resolution. Getting back into community is the aim. If it's not, all of the hard work is for nothing.
Reconciliation
· Reconciliation is when we are brought into agreement or harmony; make compatible or consistent. Brought back into relationship.
· Requires that the guilty party desires to be forgiven
· Involves acknowledgement of guilt
· Is a necessary preliminary to restoration
Restoration
· Restoration is the reestablishing of something that was taken away or lost.
· The restitution of the relationship; being brought into a right relationship.
· Involves both parties
· We may need to set boundaries
· May be gradual and conditional
If reconciliation does not work the first time...
You can try a third party
· Coaching- getting someone to help you to approach the situation better
· Mediation- asking someone to sit down with you and your friend to help you work out things together
· Arbitration- You and the other person agree to ask someone to decide about a tangible issue on which you cannot agree.
If they do not listen to you
In sin issues we add three other steps to this. If the person continues in sin after we talk to them personally we are to according to Matthew 18: 15-17…
“But if he will not listen, take one or two others along, so that 'every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses. If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church; and if he refuses to listen even to the church, treat him as you would a pagan or a tax collector.”
1. Take one or two others along. If they refuse to listen…
2. Decide the issue within the church. If they refuse to listen…
3. Treat his as you would anyone who has rejected the way of Christ.
If things have worked out well
· Thank God together
· Get clear agreements on tangible issues
· Learn by reflecting on what has happened
· Seek accountability and growth
If things didn’t work out well
Reaffirm a Godly attitude
Recognize that deep problems may underline a conflict
You are responsible for your own actions, not theirs
Consider a degree of constructive separation
Pray that God will bless the other party
So those are nine simple steps in conflict resolution according to Jesus. That's what keeps a community healthy. But sometimes even conflict resolution doesn't work. Sometimes we need a miracle. And God created one. It's called forgiveness.
Reflection Questions
1. How did your family handle conflict when you were growing up?
2. What characterizes your approach to conflict?
-Avoid at all costs
-I can face it, but I don't like it
-A good argument every once in a while clears the air
-I do conflict recreationally
3. Pay attention to your anger and anxiety today. What triggers it? How do you handle it? Is it most often fed by hurt, by frustration, or by fear?
4. Are there any people in your life who tend to drag you in as a third party to a conflict where you should not be involved? How can you handle this?
5. Think of a person whose conflict management skills you admire. What makes him or her effective? Ask them how they became skilled at dealing with anger.
6. How are you doing at speaking the last 10%, and whom can you ask to hold you accountable to do it?
7. Is there any unresolved conflict in your life? If so, ruthlessly decide to seek and resolve it.
Sources:
John Ortberg
Everybody's Normal Till You Get to Know Them
Bruce Carter
Finding the Love of Your Life
02/29/2004 Anger Management, Matthew 18:15
Monday, December 1, 2008
Our Spirit, Soul, and Physical Life
Our Spirit, Soul, and Physical Life
Pneuma is which is the rational and immortal soul; It is distinguished on the one hand from Psuche, the animal sentient (sentient- having the power of perception by the senses; conscious. Characterized by sensation and consciousness) principle only and on the other from zoe, which is mere vitality, even of plants: these terms thus exactly correspond respectively to the Hebrew ruwach, nephesh, and chay)
Pneuma (pnyoo'-mah) /Ruwach (roo'-akh)
spirit, ghost
From pneo; a current of air, i.e. Breath (blast) or a breeze; by analogy or figuratively, a spirit, i.e. (human) the rational soul, (by implication) vital principle, mental disposition, etc., or (superhuman) an angel, demon, or (divine) God, Christ's spirit, the Holy Spirit -- ghost, life, spirit(-ual, -ually), mind.
Psuche (psoo-khay')/ Nephesh (neh'-fesh)
soul, life, self
From psucho; breath, i.e. (by implication) spirit, abstractly or concretely -- heart (+ -ily), life, mind, soul, + us, + you.
Zoe (dzo-ay') (Greek)/chay (khah'-ee)(Hebrew)
lifetime
From zao; life (literally or figuratively) --
Pneuma is which is the rational and immortal soul; It is distinguished on the one hand from Psuche, the animal sentient (sentient- having the power of perception by the senses; conscious. Characterized by sensation and consciousness) principle only and on the other from zoe, which is mere vitality, even of plants: these terms thus exactly correspond respectively to the Hebrew ruwach, nephesh, and chay)
Pneuma (pnyoo'-mah) /Ruwach (roo'-akh)
spirit, ghost
From pneo; a current of air, i.e. Breath (blast) or a breeze; by analogy or figuratively, a spirit, i.e. (human) the rational soul, (by implication) vital principle, mental disposition, etc., or (superhuman) an angel, demon, or (divine) God, Christ's spirit, the Holy Spirit -- ghost, life, spirit(-ual, -ually), mind.
Psuche (psoo-khay')/ Nephesh (neh'-fesh)
soul, life, self
From psucho; breath, i.e. (by implication) spirit, abstractly or concretely -- heart (+ -ily), life, mind, soul, + us, + you.
Zoe (dzo-ay') (Greek)/chay (khah'-ee)(Hebrew)
lifetime
From zao; life (literally or figuratively) --
Unconditional Worth in Christ
We have unconditional worth as Christ's children.
When God says this is who we are but the world says something else don’t place your own opinion or other's opinions over God's.
Who I Am In Christ
I am accepted...
John 1:12
I am God's child.
John 15:15
As a disciple, I am a friend of Jesus Christ.
Romans 5:1
I have been justified.
1 Corinthians 6:17
I am united with the Lord, and I am one with Him in spirit.
1 Corinthians 6:19-20
I have been bought with a price and I belong to God.
1 Corinthians 12:27
I am a member of Christ's body.
Ephesians 1:3-8
I have been chosen by God and adopted as His child.
Colossians 1:13-14
I have been redeemed and forgiven of all my sins.
Colossians 2:9-10
I am complete in Christ.
Hebrews 4:14-16
I have direct access to the throne of grace through Jesus Christ.
I am secure...
Romans 8:1-2
I am free from condemnation.
Romans 8:28
I am assured that God works for my good in all circumstances.
Romans 8:31-39
I am free from any condemnation brought against me and I cannot be separated from the love of God.
2 Corinthians 1:21-22
I have been established, anointed and sealed by God.
Colossians 3:1-4
I am hidden with Christ in God.
Philippians 1:6
I am confident that God will complete the good work He started in me.
Philippians 3:20
I am a citizen of heaven.
2 Timothy 1:7
I have not been given a spirit of fear but of power, love and a sound mind.
1 John 5:18
I am born of God and the evil one cannot touch me.
I am significant...
John 15:5
I am a branch of Jesus Christ, the true vine, and a channel of His life.
John 15:16
I have been chosen and appointed to bear fruit.
1 Corinthians 3:16
I am God's temple.
2 Corinthians 5:17-21
I am a minister of reconciliation for God.
Ephesians 2:6
I am seated with Jesus Christ in the heavenly realm.
Ephesians 2:10
I am God's workmanship.
Ephesians 3:12
I may approach God with freedom and confidence.
Philippians 4:13
I can do all things through Christ, who strengthens me.
In Christ...
I am a new creature (2 Cor. 5:17; cf. Gal. 5:6; 6:15; Eph. 2:10).
I am a saint (1 Cor. 1:2).
I am a part of His Church (Eph. 2:21-22).
I am a temple for God's Spirit (Eph. 2:22).
I am in the eternal plan of God (Eph. 1:4; 2 Tim. 1:9).
I am complete and filled full with the fullness of Christ (Col. 2:9; and compare Col. 1:19).
I am enriched (1 Cor. 1:5).
I am accepted because God's favor has been poured out upon me (Eph. 1:6).
I am light (Eph. 5:8).
I am secure in the love of God (Rom. 8:38-39).
I am established, rooted and built up (2 Cor. 1:21; Col. 2:7).
I am circumcised inwardly (Col. 2:11).
I am near to the heart of God (Eph. 2:13).
WHAT DO I HAVE? WHAT DO I POSSESS?
IN CHRIST...
I have every spiritual blessing (Eph. 1:3).
I have eternal life, an eternal relationship with God (1 John 5:11; 1 Cor. 15:22 and Romans 6:23 where "through" could be translated "in").
I have a glorious salvation (2 Tim. 2:10).
I have a rich inheritance (Eph. 1:4; cf. 1 Pet. 1:4; Rom. 8:17).
I have a glorious future (Eph. 1:4-5).
I have a heavenly position—seated with Him! (Eph. 2:6).
I have a high calling (Phil. 3:14).
I have the hope of eternal glory (1 Pet. 5:10 where "by" = "in").
I have God's perfect righteousness (2 Cor. 5:21; 1 Cor. 1:30; 6:11).
I have sanctification or holiness (1 Cor. 1:2; 1:30; 6:11).
I have God's wisdom (1 Cor. 1:30; cf. Col. 2:3 and 1 Cor. 2:16).
I have redemption or freedom from bondage (Eph. 1:7; Col. 1:14; Rom. 3:24; 1 Cor. 1:30).
I have security (Rom. 8:1).
I have complete forgiveness (Eph. 1:7; Col. 1:14; 1 Cor. 6:11--"washed").
PRACTICAL MATTERS
IN CHRIST...
I walk and live (Col. 2:6).
I stand fast and firm (Phil. 4:1).
I have constant victory (2 Cor. 2:14).
I am fruitful (1 Cor. 15:58; Eph. 2:10).
I can do all things (Phil. 4:13).
I can draw near to God (Eph. 2:13,18).
I have all that I need; every need is supplied (Phil. 4:19 "by"="in").
I can rejoice always (Phil. 4:4; 1 Pet. 1:8).
I have a purifying hope (1 John 3:3).
I am strong (2 Tim. 2:1; Eph. 6:10).
I am faithful (Eph. 1:1).
I have faith and love (1 Tim. 1:13).
I can be mature (Col. 1:28).
When God says this is who we are but the world says something else don’t place your own opinion or other's opinions over God's.
Who I Am In Christ
I am accepted...
John 1:12
I am God's child.
John 15:15
As a disciple, I am a friend of Jesus Christ.
Romans 5:1
I have been justified.
1 Corinthians 6:17
I am united with the Lord, and I am one with Him in spirit.
1 Corinthians 6:19-20
I have been bought with a price and I belong to God.
1 Corinthians 12:27
I am a member of Christ's body.
Ephesians 1:3-8
I have been chosen by God and adopted as His child.
Colossians 1:13-14
I have been redeemed and forgiven of all my sins.
Colossians 2:9-10
I am complete in Christ.
Hebrews 4:14-16
I have direct access to the throne of grace through Jesus Christ.
I am secure...
Romans 8:1-2
I am free from condemnation.
Romans 8:28
I am assured that God works for my good in all circumstances.
Romans 8:31-39
I am free from any condemnation brought against me and I cannot be separated from the love of God.
2 Corinthians 1:21-22
I have been established, anointed and sealed by God.
Colossians 3:1-4
I am hidden with Christ in God.
Philippians 1:6
I am confident that God will complete the good work He started in me.
Philippians 3:20
I am a citizen of heaven.
2 Timothy 1:7
I have not been given a spirit of fear but of power, love and a sound mind.
1 John 5:18
I am born of God and the evil one cannot touch me.
I am significant...
John 15:5
I am a branch of Jesus Christ, the true vine, and a channel of His life.
John 15:16
I have been chosen and appointed to bear fruit.
1 Corinthians 3:16
I am God's temple.
2 Corinthians 5:17-21
I am a minister of reconciliation for God.
Ephesians 2:6
I am seated with Jesus Christ in the heavenly realm.
Ephesians 2:10
I am God's workmanship.
Ephesians 3:12
I may approach God with freedom and confidence.
Philippians 4:13
I can do all things through Christ, who strengthens me.
In Christ...
I am a new creature (2 Cor. 5:17; cf. Gal. 5:6; 6:15; Eph. 2:10).
I am a saint (1 Cor. 1:2).
I am a part of His Church (Eph. 2:21-22).
I am a temple for God's Spirit (Eph. 2:22).
I am in the eternal plan of God (Eph. 1:4; 2 Tim. 1:9).
I am complete and filled full with the fullness of Christ (Col. 2:9; and compare Col. 1:19).
I am enriched (1 Cor. 1:5).
I am accepted because God's favor has been poured out upon me (Eph. 1:6).
I am light (Eph. 5:8).
I am secure in the love of God (Rom. 8:38-39).
I am established, rooted and built up (2 Cor. 1:21; Col. 2:7).
I am circumcised inwardly (Col. 2:11).
I am near to the heart of God (Eph. 2:13).
WHAT DO I HAVE? WHAT DO I POSSESS?
IN CHRIST...
I have every spiritual blessing (Eph. 1:3).
I have eternal life, an eternal relationship with God (1 John 5:11; 1 Cor. 15:22 and Romans 6:23 where "through" could be translated "in").
I have a glorious salvation (2 Tim. 2:10).
I have a rich inheritance (Eph. 1:4; cf. 1 Pet. 1:4; Rom. 8:17).
I have a glorious future (Eph. 1:4-5).
I have a heavenly position—seated with Him! (Eph. 2:6).
I have a high calling (Phil. 3:14).
I have the hope of eternal glory (1 Pet. 5:10 where "by" = "in").
I have God's perfect righteousness (2 Cor. 5:21; 1 Cor. 1:30; 6:11).
I have sanctification or holiness (1 Cor. 1:2; 1:30; 6:11).
I have God's wisdom (1 Cor. 1:30; cf. Col. 2:3 and 1 Cor. 2:16).
I have redemption or freedom from bondage (Eph. 1:7; Col. 1:14; Rom. 3:24; 1 Cor. 1:30).
I have security (Rom. 8:1).
I have complete forgiveness (Eph. 1:7; Col. 1:14; 1 Cor. 6:11--"washed").
PRACTICAL MATTERS
IN CHRIST...
I walk and live (Col. 2:6).
I stand fast and firm (Phil. 4:1).
I have constant victory (2 Cor. 2:14).
I am fruitful (1 Cor. 15:58; Eph. 2:10).
I can do all things (Phil. 4:13).
I can draw near to God (Eph. 2:13,18).
I have all that I need; every need is supplied (Phil. 4:19 "by"="in").
I can rejoice always (Phil. 4:4; 1 Pet. 1:8).
I have a purifying hope (1 John 3:3).
I am strong (2 Tim. 2:1; Eph. 6:10).
I am faithful (Eph. 1:1).
I have faith and love (1 Tim. 1:13).
I can be mature (Col. 1:28).
What Only God Can Do and My Part Too
Sacred Rhythms
Spiritual transformation is full of mystery. We can be open to it but we can not accomplish it for ourselves. It can be grasped only through divine revelation and brought about by divine activity. This kind of change is something only God can do. I can not transform myself.
What I can do is create the conditions in which spiritual transformation can take place, by developing and maintaining a rhythm of spiritual practices that keep me open and available to God. We can create space in our lives for God to move. We can choose a way of life that opens us up to the presence of God.
Write out your plan.
Be sure to take into account the limits and opportunities of you life stage, your personality, your circumstances.
1. What practices will I seek to engage in on a daily basis? Weekly? Monthly? Yearly? Where will I engage in these disciplines? What time of the day/ week/ year?
2. What do I know about the importance of community?
What spiritual disciplines will I share with a spiritual friend, or a group of friends, so as to grow together?
3. What additional activities or practices are particularly important given my personality type or spiritual type?
How will I incorporate these into the rhythm of my spiritual practices?
Are there practices that are particularly needed because of my sins and negative patterns?
4. How will I need to adjust my schedule in order to consistently choose this way of life?
What arrangements do I need to make with those I live with?
Do I need to have any discussions with those I work with or go to school with in order to make this possible?
5. How does this plan look and feel? Is it personal enough? Balanced? Realistic?
Spiritual transformation is full of mystery. We can be open to it but we can not accomplish it for ourselves. It can be grasped only through divine revelation and brought about by divine activity. This kind of change is something only God can do. I can not transform myself.
What I can do is create the conditions in which spiritual transformation can take place, by developing and maintaining a rhythm of spiritual practices that keep me open and available to God. We can create space in our lives for God to move. We can choose a way of life that opens us up to the presence of God.
Write out your plan.
Be sure to take into account the limits and opportunities of you life stage, your personality, your circumstances.
1. What practices will I seek to engage in on a daily basis? Weekly? Monthly? Yearly? Where will I engage in these disciplines? What time of the day/ week/ year?
2. What do I know about the importance of community?
What spiritual disciplines will I share with a spiritual friend, or a group of friends, so as to grow together?
3. What additional activities or practices are particularly important given my personality type or spiritual type?
How will I incorporate these into the rhythm of my spiritual practices?
Are there practices that are particularly needed because of my sins and negative patterns?
4. How will I need to adjust my schedule in order to consistently choose this way of life?
What arrangements do I need to make with those I live with?
Do I need to have any discussions with those I work with or go to school with in order to make this possible?
5. How does this plan look and feel? Is it personal enough? Balanced? Realistic?
Recipies and Toolbooks
We need recipes, not rules. Creating tool books instead of rule books grows people's spirits. It allows us to be productively human. Tools can be used for the good of self and others. Rules rob people of their ability to think and act independently. Instead of manuals that lock people into dehumanizing behavior, we should focus on the reasons behind things and on the outcomes that we want. -From Howard Behar's, "It's Not About the Coffee"
Scripture and The Word
The Scriptures and the Word
“In the beginning.. God said ____ and it was so” Genesis 1
“By the word of the LORD the heavens were made, And by the breath of His mouth all their host….For He spoke, and it was done; He commanded, and it stood fast.”
-Psalm 33:6,9
“The Word of God is living and active,
it penetrates even to the dividing of soul and spirit…
it judges the thoughts and intents of the heart. “
Heb 4:12
“In the beginning, the Word (Jesus) existed. The Word was with God, and the Word was God.”
-John 1:1
‘And the Word became flesh, and dwelt among us, and we saw His glory, glory as of the only begotten from the Father, full of grace and truth.” -John 1:14
“It is the Spirit who gives life; the flesh profits nothing; the words that I have spoken to you are spirit and are life.” -John 6:63
“Simon Peter answered Him, ‘Lord, to whom shall we go? You have words of eternal life.” –John 6:68
”who also made us adequate as servants of a new covenant, not of the letter but of the Spirit; for the letter kills, but the Spirit gives life.” -2Corinthians 3:6
“A person cannot live on bread alone but on every word that God speaks.” -Matthew 4:4
“For God, who said, ‘Light shall shine out of darkness,’ is the One who has shone in our hearts to give the Light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Christ.”
-2Cor 4:6
“And that from childhood you have known the sacred writings which are able to give you the wisdom that leads to salvation through faith which is in Christ Jesus. All Scripture is inspired by God (God-breathed) and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, for training in righteousness;
-2 Tim 3:15-16
“For we did not follow cleverly devised tales when we made known to you the power and coming of our Lord Jesus Christ, but we were eyewitnesses of His majesty. For when He received honor and glory from God the Father, such an utterance as this was made to Him by the Majestic Glory, “This is My beloved Son with whom I am well-pleased”— and we ourselves heard this utterance made from heaven when we were with Him on the holy mountain.
So we have the prophetic word made more sure, to which you do well to pay attention as to a lamp shining in a dark place, until the day dawns and the morning star arises in your hearts. But know this first of all, that no prophecy of Scripture is a matter of one’s own interpretation, for no prophecy was ever made by an act of human will, but men moved by the Holy Spirit spoke from God.” 2 Peter 1:16-21
“For whatever was written in earlier times was written for our instruction, so that through perseverance and the encouragement of the Scriptures we might have hope.”
-Romans 15:4
“In the beginning.. God said ____ and it was so” Genesis 1
“By the word of the LORD the heavens were made, And by the breath of His mouth all their host….For He spoke, and it was done; He commanded, and it stood fast.”
-Psalm 33:6,9
“The Word of God is living and active,
it penetrates even to the dividing of soul and spirit…
it judges the thoughts and intents of the heart. “
Heb 4:12
“In the beginning, the Word (Jesus) existed. The Word was with God, and the Word was God.”
-John 1:1
‘And the Word became flesh, and dwelt among us, and we saw His glory, glory as of the only begotten from the Father, full of grace and truth.” -John 1:14
“It is the Spirit who gives life; the flesh profits nothing; the words that I have spoken to you are spirit and are life.” -John 6:63
“Simon Peter answered Him, ‘Lord, to whom shall we go? You have words of eternal life.” –John 6:68
”who also made us adequate as servants of a new covenant, not of the letter but of the Spirit; for the letter kills, but the Spirit gives life.” -2Corinthians 3:6
“A person cannot live on bread alone but on every word that God speaks.” -Matthew 4:4
“For God, who said, ‘Light shall shine out of darkness,’ is the One who has shone in our hearts to give the Light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Christ.”
-2Cor 4:6
“And that from childhood you have known the sacred writings which are able to give you the wisdom that leads to salvation through faith which is in Christ Jesus. All Scripture is inspired by God (God-breathed) and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, for training in righteousness;
-2 Tim 3:15-16
“For we did not follow cleverly devised tales when we made known to you the power and coming of our Lord Jesus Christ, but we were eyewitnesses of His majesty. For when He received honor and glory from God the Father, such an utterance as this was made to Him by the Majestic Glory, “This is My beloved Son with whom I am well-pleased”— and we ourselves heard this utterance made from heaven when we were with Him on the holy mountain.
So we have the prophetic word made more sure, to which you do well to pay attention as to a lamp shining in a dark place, until the day dawns and the morning star arises in your hearts. But know this first of all, that no prophecy of Scripture is a matter of one’s own interpretation, for no prophecy was ever made by an act of human will, but men moved by the Holy Spirit spoke from God.” 2 Peter 1:16-21
“For whatever was written in earlier times was written for our instruction, so that through perseverance and the encouragement of the Scriptures we might have hope.”
-Romans 15:4
Spiritual Pathways with the link
To take the Sacred Pathways test assessment click here.
Sacred Pathways: Loving God According to the Way He Made You
by Gary Thomas
Spirituality is not a "one size fits all" deal. Humanity was created as diverse, so it makes sense that we were designed to love God in different ways.
Do you ever feel guilty because the traditional quiet time just doesn't cut it for you? Are you increasingly frustrated by a "one size fits all spirituality" that most definitely does not fit you?
Don't despair! Scripture and the history of Christian tradition reveal a remarkable diversity of personal devotion. Here are nine spiritual pathways for you to consider as you seek to love God according to the way He's designed you.1
The Naturalist
In Psalm 19:1, David extols nature's ability to awaken our cold hearts to God's warm presence: "The heavens declare the glory of God; And the firmament shows His handiwork" (NKJV). The apostle Paul spoke of a similar reality in Romans 1:20a when he wrote, "For since the creation of the world His invisible attributes are clearly seen, being understood by the things that are made." Both writers testify to the reality experienced by naturalists — being outdoors does something to awaken our hearts to God.
Most of God's appearances in Scripture occurred outside: Hagar in the desert, Jacob beside a river, and Moses on a mountain. In fact, the very picture of heaven on earth was the Garden of Eden — not a cathedral! Not a Starbucks. And certainly not a shopping mall. Adam and Eve enjoyed a close walk with God in a garden. Of course, others met God inside, in the holy of holies, but naturalists find more spiritual stimulation in a natural setting rather than in a cleverly crafted human one.
If you find that you can't sit still at your desk without falling asleep, or that you're bored by trying to comb through devotional books while lying on your bed, consider getting outside and using nature to help you see and experience God's glory.
The Sensate
The best avenues for some believers to commune with God are the five senses: taste, touch, hearing, seeing, and even smelling. Just as naturalists are spiritually awakened while walking through a forest, so sensates become spiritually attuned when their senses are brought into play. Your most powerful spiritual aids might be majestic music, symbolic architecture, outstanding art, or the sensory experience of communion.
God designed our bodies, so it shouldn't surprise us that he made them in such a way that what we experience through our bodies can awaken our hearts to His presence.
The books of Ezekiel and Revelation reveal a God who comes in a very sense-oriented way: There are loud sounds, flashing lights, even sweet tastes. God designed our bodies, so it shouldn't surprise us that he made them in such a way that what we experience through our bodies can awaken our hearts to His presence.
The Traditionalist
For you traditionalists, religion isn't a dirty word — it's an outgrowth of your relationship with God. You're designed to appreciate the role of ritual, which builds on the power of reinforced behavior. There is something profound for you in worshipping God according to set patterns — your own, or history's. You may organize your life around scheduled times of prayer, and may even choose to carefully observe the Christian calendar, aligning yourself with centuries of faith. According to Acts, both Peter and John had set times for prayer. And Paul followed the custom of praying by the riverside on the Sabbath.
In addition to establishing rituals, you may choose to make good use of Christian symbols. We tend to quickly forget even convicting insights and soul-searing truth, but carefully chosen symbols help to remind us of those truths we want to live by. Types of symbols are limited only by your imagination. Some singles wear a purity ring; others wear a cross necklace. More sophisticated forms of symbolism include people decorating with colors that coincide with the Christian calendar: White is used on Easter and Christmas as a color of joy; purple is used for Lent, Holy Week and Advent; black symbolizes Good Friday.
The Ascetic
The best way to picture an ascetic is to think of a monk, or John the Baptist — someone who goes off on his own, in an austere environment, to get his spiritual batteries charged. You like to meet God internally; you don't want the distractions of a museum or a group meeting, as you prefer to shut out the world and meet God in solitude and austerity. Your preferred environment for personal worship is silence, without any noisy or colorful stimulants.
It's likely that you're part ascetic if you sense the need to have alone time on a regular basis.
It's likely that you're part ascetic if you sense the need to have alone time on a regular basis. You may even prefer solitary retreats, or at least a quiet place with a rather orderly environment. You and your fellow ascetics are often advocates of all night prayer vigils and many of the classical disciplines, such as fasting and biblical meditation.
The Activist
Activists follow in the footsteps of Moses, Elijah and Habakkuk; you love to meet God in the vortex of confrontation. If you're an activist, you want to fight God's battles. Church is primarily a place to collect signatures and sign up volunteers for the "real work" of the Gospel that takes place outside the church building.
As an activist, you're one of the movers and shakers of the Christian community. You may have a political bent or adopt an evangelistic emphasis, but what marks you as an activist is that you feel most alive spiritually when you are in the midst of God's active work. That's when God seems most real, most immanent and most exciting.
The Caregiver
Caregivers love God by loving others. You're the Mordecais to the world's Esthers; the Dorcas's (Acts 10:36) to the local church. Providing care and meeting needs in Jesus' name spiritually energizes you, drawing you ever closer to the Lord. For you, caregiving isn't an obligation as much as it is a threshold to intimacy with God.
Caregiving extends well beyond nursing sick people to include fixing a widow's car, serving as a volunteer firefighter, or researching a cure for a disease. A caregiver is comforted by Jesus' words, "whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me" (Matthew 25:40, NIV). God seems nearest to you when you are looking at Him through the eyes of a sick child or hurting friend.
The Enthusiast
An enthusiast, walking in the footsteps of David, loves excitement and celebration; you probably buy far more worship CDs than books. Enthusiasts tend to be more relational, and therefore favor group worship. You feed off the excitement of other believers praising God.
As an enthusiast, you also revel in God's mystery and supernatural power. You like to take spiritual risks, and wake up hoping God will do something new and fresh. You don't want to just know scriptural concepts; you want to experience and be moved by them. Your exuberance tends to lead you to explore the livelier elements of worship, such as dancing, music, drawing, singing and other creative forms.
The Intellectual
You're an intellectual if your heart is awakened when you understand new concepts about God. Your mind is probably very active, with the result that new intellectual understanding literally births affection; it creates increased respect for your Creator, which leads to worship.
You're an intellectual if your heart is awakened when you understand new concepts about God.
Intellectuals are usually the ones stressing Bible study as the mainstay of their devotion. But some of you, like the biblical Solomon, may also have curious minds in areas beyond the Bible — biology, astronomy, even physics. The more you understand about truth and God's universe, the more in awe of God — and therefore in love with Him — you become.
Just as the naturalist can't wait to get out of doors, the sensate is eager to visit the cathedral, and the ascetic scurries off into his inner world, so the intellectual seeks God in the pages of a book, the shelves of a library, or the vast ruminations of your mind.
The Contemplative
Contemplatives are marked by an emotional attachment and even abandonment to God. Like Mary who sat at Jesus' feet, you see yourself first and foremost as God's lover, and you want to spend your time in God's presence, adoring Him, listening to Him, and just enjoying Him.
You resemble ascetics in that your passion for God often leads you into solitude, where you can sit still and enjoy being in God's presence. Your watchwords are desire and relationship, as affirmed by Jesus in John 15:15: "I no longer call you servants … Instead, I have called you friends."
As a contemplative, you enjoy doing the things that couples like to do: Demonstrating your love for God through secret acts of devotion, giving gifts to God like a poem, or offering an anonymous act of charity. You often favor the discipline of journal writing, where you can intensely explore your heart's devotion.
Most of Us Are Blends
Intellectuals want to understand new things about God; activists want to fight God's battles; enthusiasts want to experience God; naturalists want to meet God in nature; sensates want to see and touch things that remind them of God; traditionalists want to faithfully remember God; ascetics want to be alone with God; caregivers want to be God's hands and feet; contemplatives want to adore God and to know Him better.
The important thing is to understand how you best connect with God so that you can more deliberately and consciously cultivate an increasing affection for your Creator.
Do you see yourself in any of the above categories? Please don't feel that you have to choose just one; most of us are blends, and many of us will move in and out of certain temperaments as we age. The important thing is not to find the right "label," but to understand how you best connect with God so that you can more deliberately and consciously cultivate an increasing affection for your Creator.
One caveat is in order, however. Every Christian, regardless of their temperament, needs to spend appropriate time being shaped by God's Word. Some of you might join group Bible studies, others of you may sit alone with your word dictionaries, concordances, and lexicons, and others of you might regularly listen to the Bible on tape — but interacting with the Word on a daily basis should be a given. The same goes for prayer and times of worshipful adoration. How and where you pray may differ; but every Christian is called to spend time with God.
The good news is that God crafted you with a specific design. You will certainly bear similarities to certain other believers, but you most celebrate the creative quality of God when you give yourself permission to seek His face in a way that honors His creative genius — beginning with your own spiritual makeup.
Sacred Pathways: Loving God According to the Way He Made You
by Gary Thomas
Spirituality is not a "one size fits all" deal. Humanity was created as diverse, so it makes sense that we were designed to love God in different ways.
Do you ever feel guilty because the traditional quiet time just doesn't cut it for you? Are you increasingly frustrated by a "one size fits all spirituality" that most definitely does not fit you?
Don't despair! Scripture and the history of Christian tradition reveal a remarkable diversity of personal devotion. Here are nine spiritual pathways for you to consider as you seek to love God according to the way He's designed you.1
The Naturalist
In Psalm 19:1, David extols nature's ability to awaken our cold hearts to God's warm presence: "The heavens declare the glory of God; And the firmament shows His handiwork" (NKJV). The apostle Paul spoke of a similar reality in Romans 1:20a when he wrote, "For since the creation of the world His invisible attributes are clearly seen, being understood by the things that are made." Both writers testify to the reality experienced by naturalists — being outdoors does something to awaken our hearts to God.
Most of God's appearances in Scripture occurred outside: Hagar in the desert, Jacob beside a river, and Moses on a mountain. In fact, the very picture of heaven on earth was the Garden of Eden — not a cathedral! Not a Starbucks. And certainly not a shopping mall. Adam and Eve enjoyed a close walk with God in a garden. Of course, others met God inside, in the holy of holies, but naturalists find more spiritual stimulation in a natural setting rather than in a cleverly crafted human one.
If you find that you can't sit still at your desk without falling asleep, or that you're bored by trying to comb through devotional books while lying on your bed, consider getting outside and using nature to help you see and experience God's glory.
The Sensate
The best avenues for some believers to commune with God are the five senses: taste, touch, hearing, seeing, and even smelling. Just as naturalists are spiritually awakened while walking through a forest, so sensates become spiritually attuned when their senses are brought into play. Your most powerful spiritual aids might be majestic music, symbolic architecture, outstanding art, or the sensory experience of communion.
God designed our bodies, so it shouldn't surprise us that he made them in such a way that what we experience through our bodies can awaken our hearts to His presence.
The books of Ezekiel and Revelation reveal a God who comes in a very sense-oriented way: There are loud sounds, flashing lights, even sweet tastes. God designed our bodies, so it shouldn't surprise us that he made them in such a way that what we experience through our bodies can awaken our hearts to His presence.
The Traditionalist
For you traditionalists, religion isn't a dirty word — it's an outgrowth of your relationship with God. You're designed to appreciate the role of ritual, which builds on the power of reinforced behavior. There is something profound for you in worshipping God according to set patterns — your own, or history's. You may organize your life around scheduled times of prayer, and may even choose to carefully observe the Christian calendar, aligning yourself with centuries of faith. According to Acts, both Peter and John had set times for prayer. And Paul followed the custom of praying by the riverside on the Sabbath.
In addition to establishing rituals, you may choose to make good use of Christian symbols. We tend to quickly forget even convicting insights and soul-searing truth, but carefully chosen symbols help to remind us of those truths we want to live by. Types of symbols are limited only by your imagination. Some singles wear a purity ring; others wear a cross necklace. More sophisticated forms of symbolism include people decorating with colors that coincide with the Christian calendar: White is used on Easter and Christmas as a color of joy; purple is used for Lent, Holy Week and Advent; black symbolizes Good Friday.
The Ascetic
The best way to picture an ascetic is to think of a monk, or John the Baptist — someone who goes off on his own, in an austere environment, to get his spiritual batteries charged. You like to meet God internally; you don't want the distractions of a museum or a group meeting, as you prefer to shut out the world and meet God in solitude and austerity. Your preferred environment for personal worship is silence, without any noisy or colorful stimulants.
It's likely that you're part ascetic if you sense the need to have alone time on a regular basis.
It's likely that you're part ascetic if you sense the need to have alone time on a regular basis. You may even prefer solitary retreats, or at least a quiet place with a rather orderly environment. You and your fellow ascetics are often advocates of all night prayer vigils and many of the classical disciplines, such as fasting and biblical meditation.
The Activist
Activists follow in the footsteps of Moses, Elijah and Habakkuk; you love to meet God in the vortex of confrontation. If you're an activist, you want to fight God's battles. Church is primarily a place to collect signatures and sign up volunteers for the "real work" of the Gospel that takes place outside the church building.
As an activist, you're one of the movers and shakers of the Christian community. You may have a political bent or adopt an evangelistic emphasis, but what marks you as an activist is that you feel most alive spiritually when you are in the midst of God's active work. That's when God seems most real, most immanent and most exciting.
The Caregiver
Caregivers love God by loving others. You're the Mordecais to the world's Esthers; the Dorcas's (Acts 10:36) to the local church. Providing care and meeting needs in Jesus' name spiritually energizes you, drawing you ever closer to the Lord. For you, caregiving isn't an obligation as much as it is a threshold to intimacy with God.
Caregiving extends well beyond nursing sick people to include fixing a widow's car, serving as a volunteer firefighter, or researching a cure for a disease. A caregiver is comforted by Jesus' words, "whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me" (Matthew 25:40, NIV). God seems nearest to you when you are looking at Him through the eyes of a sick child or hurting friend.
The Enthusiast
An enthusiast, walking in the footsteps of David, loves excitement and celebration; you probably buy far more worship CDs than books. Enthusiasts tend to be more relational, and therefore favor group worship. You feed off the excitement of other believers praising God.
As an enthusiast, you also revel in God's mystery and supernatural power. You like to take spiritual risks, and wake up hoping God will do something new and fresh. You don't want to just know scriptural concepts; you want to experience and be moved by them. Your exuberance tends to lead you to explore the livelier elements of worship, such as dancing, music, drawing, singing and other creative forms.
The Intellectual
You're an intellectual if your heart is awakened when you understand new concepts about God. Your mind is probably very active, with the result that new intellectual understanding literally births affection; it creates increased respect for your Creator, which leads to worship.
You're an intellectual if your heart is awakened when you understand new concepts about God.
Intellectuals are usually the ones stressing Bible study as the mainstay of their devotion. But some of you, like the biblical Solomon, may also have curious minds in areas beyond the Bible — biology, astronomy, even physics. The more you understand about truth and God's universe, the more in awe of God — and therefore in love with Him — you become.
Just as the naturalist can't wait to get out of doors, the sensate is eager to visit the cathedral, and the ascetic scurries off into his inner world, so the intellectual seeks God in the pages of a book, the shelves of a library, or the vast ruminations of your mind.
The Contemplative
Contemplatives are marked by an emotional attachment and even abandonment to God. Like Mary who sat at Jesus' feet, you see yourself first and foremost as God's lover, and you want to spend your time in God's presence, adoring Him, listening to Him, and just enjoying Him.
You resemble ascetics in that your passion for God often leads you into solitude, where you can sit still and enjoy being in God's presence. Your watchwords are desire and relationship, as affirmed by Jesus in John 15:15: "I no longer call you servants … Instead, I have called you friends."
As a contemplative, you enjoy doing the things that couples like to do: Demonstrating your love for God through secret acts of devotion, giving gifts to God like a poem, or offering an anonymous act of charity. You often favor the discipline of journal writing, where you can intensely explore your heart's devotion.
Most of Us Are Blends
Intellectuals want to understand new things about God; activists want to fight God's battles; enthusiasts want to experience God; naturalists want to meet God in nature; sensates want to see and touch things that remind them of God; traditionalists want to faithfully remember God; ascetics want to be alone with God; caregivers want to be God's hands and feet; contemplatives want to adore God and to know Him better.
The important thing is to understand how you best connect with God so that you can more deliberately and consciously cultivate an increasing affection for your Creator.
Do you see yourself in any of the above categories? Please don't feel that you have to choose just one; most of us are blends, and many of us will move in and out of certain temperaments as we age. The important thing is not to find the right "label," but to understand how you best connect with God so that you can more deliberately and consciously cultivate an increasing affection for your Creator.
One caveat is in order, however. Every Christian, regardless of their temperament, needs to spend appropriate time being shaped by God's Word. Some of you might join group Bible studies, others of you may sit alone with your word dictionaries, concordances, and lexicons, and others of you might regularly listen to the Bible on tape — but interacting with the Word on a daily basis should be a given. The same goes for prayer and times of worshipful adoration. How and where you pray may differ; but every Christian is called to spend time with God.
The good news is that God crafted you with a specific design. You will certainly bear similarities to certain other believers, but you most celebrate the creative quality of God when you give yourself permission to seek His face in a way that honors His creative genius — beginning with your own spiritual makeup.
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